Chorus
Damn, there’s a body in my cellar
I swear it wasn’t me, but no one knows for sure
Damn, there’s blood all on the floor
How do I get rid of it, does anyone know more?
There’s a dead man on my sofa
I swear it wasn’t me, and it’s not even my grandpa
Damn, there’s blood all on the floor
How do I get rid of it, does anyone know more?
Verse 1
I went to the hardware store to ask around
Can I get a box, you know, to fit six feet down?
Or would it be enough to just chop 'em up clean
With a garden shredder or a chainsaw machine?
And then I’ll invite all my friends for a barbecue
We’ve got enough meat, so come, grab a few!
Or I’ll build a nice sunroom, pour them into cement
Or shoot 'em in a rocket off to the moon’s ascent
I’ll stash 'em in the freezer, where no one can peek
And I’ll pull them out in winter, turn 'em into a snowman freak
Chorus
Damn, there’s a body in my cellar
I swear it wasn’t me, but no one knows for sure
Damn, there’s blood all on the floor
How do I get rid of it, does anyone know more?
There’s a dead man on my sofa
I swear it wasn’t me, and it’s not even my grandpa
Damn, there’s blood all on the floor
How do I get rid of it, does anyone know more?
Verse 2
Woke up with a headache, and my bed’s soaking wet
Don’t remember a thing, think I missed the night’s events
But damn, walking to the bathroom, what do I find?
A body in my room! Is this a joke of some kind?
What's this guy doing here? Is he out of his mind?
Acting like I killed him, but I didn’t commit that crime
Does he really need to paint my floor with his blood?
How’d he even die? I gotta clean this up
Back to sender, with a corpse for delivery
Or slice a bit off, and serve it in my butchery
I’ll drop ‘em with the homeless underneath the bridge, they don’t mind
Or set them up like statues at the body show, they’ll never find
No magic tricks from Copperfield, or Geller’s mind-control
I’ll just stash them in my cellar, with the rest, nice and whole
People come, the bodies go, that’s how it is, you see
Then I head back to the bar, like it’s all history
Chorus
Damn, there’s a body in my cellar
I swear it wasn’t me, but no one knows for sure
Damn, there’s blood all on the floor
How do I get rid of it, does anyone know more?
There’s a dead man on my sofa
I swear it wasn’t me, and it’s not even my grandpa
Damn, there’s blood all on the floor
How do I get rid of it, does anyone know more?
Bridge
I know it wasn’t me, but no one will believe
So I guess I need a plan before I leave
I’ll ship 'em to Afghanistan or Iraq
No one will notice, bodies die there every day, it’s fact
Send 'em to the government with a big old smile
Politicians got skeletons, so they won’t mind the pile
Wait for a massacre and dump 'em in the crowd
No one will care between Max and loud-mouthed Laura shouting proud
And hey, I googled it—organs bring cash
Sell them piece by piece, turn every limb to hard cash
Chorus
Damn, there’s a body in my cellar
I swear it wasn’t me, but no one knows for sure
Damn, there’s blood all on the floor
How do I get rid of it, does anyone know more?
There’s a dead man on my sofa
I swear it wasn’t me, and it’s not even my grandpa
Damn, there’s blood all on the floor
How do I get rid of it, does anyone know more?
Outro
But the solution’s closer than you'd think
Wait ‘til my neighbor's asleep, quiet as a wink
Then sneak in their house and put it on their couch
Problem solved, without a doubt!
Chorus
Damn, there’s a body in my cellar
I swear it wasn’t me, but no one knows for sure
Damn, there’s blood all on the floor
How do I get rid of it, does anyone know more?
There’s a dead man on my sofa
I swear it wasn’t me, and it’s not even my grandpa
Damn, there’s blood all on the floor
How do I get rid of it, does anyone know more?
