(Addison Mizner lies in a bed.)
[A WOMAN, spoken]
Mr. Mizner. There's a gentleman to see you
(Addison leans forward expectantly, then falls back on the pillows, dead. The door of a packing crate falls open, revealing Wilson Mizner.)
[A MAN]
Think that he's dead?
[ANOTHER MAN]
Has been for years
[A WOMAN]
God, what a waste
[A MAN]
Genius, they said
[A WOMAN]
Opened frontiers
[ANOTHER WOMAN]
Really, such a waste
[ANOTHER WOMAN]
All of that style-
[A MAN]
All that flair-
[ANOTHER MAN]
All that guile-
[ANOTHER MAN]
Now, let's be fair
He had a real spark
[ANOTHER MAN]
Made a mark
[A WOMAN]
Instantly erased
[A MAN]
Could have been rich
[A WOMAN]
Could have lost weight
[A MAN]
God, what a waist
[ADDISON, spoken]
Excuse me...
[TWO MEN]
Son of a bitch
Could have been great
[A WOMAN AND A MAN]
Now he's just disgraced
[ADDISON, spoken]
Excuse me?-
[A WOMAN]
Such an ascent-
[A MAN]
Such a fall-
[ANOTHER MAN]
Such a nice gent-
[COMPANY]
He had it all
How could he miss
Finish like this?
Waste
[A MAN]
Remember me?
I'm the one that you bought the plantation from
Boy, what a waste
That was a waste...
[A WOMAN] (overlapping)
Remember me?
I'm the one with the house you design-
What a waste, what a terrible waste
What a waste...
[A MAN]
Remember me?
I'm the one that you baited the suckers with
Waste
Waste of your money and waste of my time
Remember that? Remember that?
What a waste, what an asinine waste...
[TWO WOMEN]
Remember me?
I'm the one that you used in the ads
Honey, that was a waste
That was a waste and a half
Remember that? Remember that?
What a waste, what a silly old waste...
[A MAN]
Remember me?
I'm the one with the fireworks business-
A waste if I ever saw waste
And, believe me, I recognize waste
When I come across waste...
[ANOTHER MAN]
You come into my office
And buy all these pineapples
Nothing but waste
I mean, talk about waste
That was a waste, no, a waste and a half...
[A WOMAN]
Not to mention
The door you forgot to include
And the stairs that went nowhere
There was a waste
There was a terrible waste...
[A MAN]
Remember me?
I'm the one with the Klondike saloon
What a waste, what a god-awful waste
I mean, that was a waste...
[A WOMAN]
Remember me?
I'm the one that you promised a mansion to...
[HANDSOME YOUNG MAN]
Remember me?
I'm the one that you fucked
(Addison blinks at him, stunned)
[ALL]
Such a good start
Such a bad end-
Leaves a bad taste
[HANDSOME YOUNG MAN]
I'm the one that you fucked
(Pause.)
[ALL]
Squandered his art
Cheated his friend-
All of it a waste
[ADDISON, spoken]
You're the one that I loved
[THREE MEN]
Destined to fail
[TWO WOMEN]
Poor old guy
[GROUP 1]
Losing the trail-
[GROUP 2]
And you know why
[WILSON]
Everybody shoo!
I said shoo!
I mean you... shoo!
(Opening his arms.)
(spoken)
Hug for your old brother?
(sung)
Wasting your time
Listening to them
That was the waste
[ADDISON, spoken]
Hello, Willie
[WILSON]
What was your crime?
You were a gem
They were strictly paste
[ADDISON, spoken]
Willie, listen to me-
[WILSON]
So it got rough
Why the guilt?
Look at the stuff
That you built
So you got burned
Look what you've learned!
[ADDISON, spoken]
You know what I learned, Willie? I learned that the only thing wrong with my life was you. You conniving son of a bitch!
(Addison swats Wilson.)
[WILSON, spoken]
(Swatting him back.)
Hey, cut it out!
[ADDISON, spoken]
(Another swat)
You ruined me!
[WILSON, spoken]
(Another swat)
You ruined yourself!
[ADDISON, spoken]
(Another swat)
Say it! You ruined me!
[WILSON, spoken]
Did not!
[ADDISON, spoken]
Did so!
[WILSON, spoken]
Did not!
[ADDISON, spoken]
Did so!
[WILSON, spoken]
Did not!
[ADDISON, spoken]
Did so!
[WILSON, spoken]
Did not!
[ADDISON, spoken]
Did so!
(They fight on the bed, the tussle becoming more and more childlike.)
[WILSON & ADDISON, spoken]
Mama... Mama... Mama!
(Mama Mizner appears.)
[MAMA MIZNER, spoken]
Addison! Wilson!
(Addison and Wilson stop fighting.)
This is no time for squabbling! Your papa's been asking for you
(The bed is now occupied by Papa Mizner.)
[WILSON, spoken]
Sorry, Mama. How is he?
[MAMA, spoken]
The doctor says it's time now
[PAPA MIZNER, spoken]
Addie? Willie? Is that you, boys?
[WILSON, spoken]
We're here, Papa
[PAPA, spoken]
Good, good
