I start my day with a sigh/
Like it’s already too late to take it in stride/
I give it up before I give it a chance/
I quit in advance before I even say my goodbyes/
There’s a grey cloud hanging over my head/
That I can’t break so I stay at home in my bed/
I get lazy and my mind goes where nobody treks/
I’m going crazy with every day I hope to forget/
I’m so tired when I write this shit/
Sick of trying to find the right rhymes to fit/
When is it my time to win? I’d like to think/
I’m stronger than I admit and fighting fit/
It eats away at my brain and my faith decays/
Until I fade to a place where I waste away/
I could take to my veins with a razorblade/
But I refrain for the sake of remaining sane/
Is it putting myself down or suicide?
Either booking myself out or doing time/
I should be looking for help now but who am I/
To reach out? Full of this self-doubt in losing fights/
I’m not in a safe state to be left alone in/
With an insufficient supply of serotonin/
I need prescription drugs just to get me going/
My head’s imploding so just tell me when it’s over/
I’ve said too much with a single sentence/
Hence my depression is back with a vengeance/
I’m a bit of misery mixed with misdirection/
My reflection detects every imperfection/
Leave it to me to be low, I’m not a proper man/
Because you’re always a foot above and that’s the problem, man/
I never think I’m good enough, I get to the promiseland/
And everything is looking up, except me
I feel like I’m treading water, I’m just trying to keep afloat/
Trying to keep my head supported but it’s like a leaky boat/
I know it ain’t getting warmer and I might just freeze below/
I hope I’m not dead before the night but I don’t even know
The skull can be a cell for the mind/
With welling eyes mulling over the hell that’s inside/
I know I seem dull but I’ll tell you in time/
There’s a hole in the hull and the swells of the tide/
Are sweeping me out to sea, keeping me down, I need/
To breach for air to breathe, leave me to drown beneath/
The surface, I’m not worth retrieving, I’m bound to freeze/
Or maybe I’m dreaming and sound asleep/
I admit I’ve developed a level of anxiety/
That envelops me from all of the pressures of society/
All of the voices in my head are in a rivalry/
Against each other, fighting with the devil that’s inside of me/
I try but I can’t switch my brain off/
So these words are the calm in the chaos/
But it’s wired to go into overdrive every night/
Until my alarm hits the breakers/
I put music on to keep me distracted/
From reality so I don’t even need to imagine/
I can’t sleep because of every creak in the mattress/
I get one step ahead then it’s three of them backwards/
I can’t speak, I can’t eat, I can’t breathe/
And the suspense intensifies every time my heart beats/
Arms reaching out, I’m in need of a friend/
A reason just to try and justify the means to an end/
I don’t mean to come across like I’m being rude/
But confidence is the biggest difference between me and you/
And I still get up on that stage and I see it through/
The lesson is that I possess a strength I never even knew/
I’m not a hundred percent but I’m getting there/
I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere but I’ll find my feet/
Even if it means trying every pair/
Just so I have fresh eyes when I climb this set of stairs
I know we’re all treading water, we’re just trying to keep afloat/
Trying to keep our heads supported, drift inside the breeze that blows/
I know that it’s getting warmer and think I can see the coast/
Likely to be there before the night, that’s right, I’ll be at home
