[Intro]
You know and of course like God is there with me but you know more often than not, God doesn't just like remove you from the situation and instead he wants you to endure it, and then trust in him, and rely on him for strength
[Verse]
My passion left and my talent kicked in
Last year I almost quit while the pandemic hit
Fighting demons 2021 can fall in a ditch
I needed help screaming in my pillow "why I exist"
Homies tell me I should learn to control my breath
Church telling me to pray, I agree with that
And doc's telling me the meds might sting a bit
It’s likе no matter what I chose, it will nevеr end
I got flaws, when I compare myself, I see a weakness
But that ain’t stopping me from grabbing my achievements
While I was in my mother's womb you could’ve changed it, replaced it, taken it out but you let it stay in
This disorder has damaged more than my concentration
I suffer daily, it’s hard to give thanks
But I know there’s millions out there worse off than me
So I stand back and let my pride drop then grieve
Understand it’s hard to fall in love
My anxiety prevents interpersonal touch
My anxiety determines who the helI I can trust
He’s Irrational like an overemotional judge
Living in my walls, ripping away, breaking the studs
It’s genetics, it runs in my blood my life sucks I can’t make this stuff up
And I don’t sleep, 'cuz that would mean I need to wake up
And I don’t dream 'cuz that mean I have time to give up
Words are toxic that’s why I carry breath mints
I bet I caught that from ex's
Thinking out loud is not a beneficial practice
But I’m too stubborn to open up to new suggestions
My mind ain't pretty so I’m selective who I let in
Hide behind music as soon as I feel opposition
My life is a puddle, meant to avoid it but you stepped in
People talking trash, in my industry that's destined
Political ties are not a drug you wanna mess with
Social media has interrogation methods
They bring up your past and all the crap that you’ve regretted
They’ll silence your voice, doing anything to suppress it
If time is money, I owe the IRS collections
If time is money, I’m holding onto every second
Never satisfied, that’s probably why I feel empty
Walk-in my shoes, the path you’ll find I’m on is flimsy
Cabinets full of pills, increasing the dose is risky
Steady making murals like Leanardo da Vinci
I’m seeing what I have, not seeing for what it could be
Anxiety sneaking in through back when I’m not looking
Yeah
The mentally Unstable mind, five doctors with three medications at two different times, that’s how I’d summarize
Open wounds that need to heal call up Klopint o cauterize
Yeah
Constant headaches, oh so many, nauseous & dizzy, throwing up behind a Dennys I’m always nervous, high stakes, tied 9th inning
Adrenal glands at full blast, get my Xanax ready
Look
I gotta thirst for designer products, probably 'cuz I’m insecure if I’m being honest
I hate my body, that’s why I compensate with all this
And I should probably be selective what I'm spending on it
If you looking for a boy toy, look up barstool sports and Dave Portnoy
I’m not your man, Danny phantom I'm a ghost boy
Just cuz I make you feel at home, doesn’t signal I’m your best choice
Rap game Harvey specter, I got my degree now I’m more classier than ever
And smiling is key, learned from the best Heathy Ledger
Like playboy bunnies and fake love for Hugh Hefner
Look
I’m second-guessing all the things I’m pursuing
I love music, don’t you ever confuse it
But this depression isn’t fixed by the spectrum of sound
That was clear with Mac Miller and Avicii... wow
It might be meaningless to most of you guys
But I’m banking on that one of you might
Relate to me, all the rest put aside
God thank you for the mentally unstable minds
Thank you for my unstable mind
