[Verse 1: College Smart]
I don’t know how to say this
I don’t know where my brain is
But I know where the pain is
I know where insane is
I don’t feel right lately, I’m going crazy
Starting to feel like a ghost of myself
And I’m running out of daylight, Patrick Swayze
Getting tired of chasing this dream
I’ve been chasing this real life
‘Cause everything ain’t what it seems
They don’t know what it feels like
Telling me I got to sacrifice my future wife and kids
And tell my girl I’m sorry
Starry lights are more important than this?
I don’t know if I can do that
To look her in her eyes, it’ll change my mood back
She could change my mind
I love her more than life, even more than I do rap
But I want to go out on top
I’m caught up in the moment, flashy drops
And whips and chains and a girl on top
That bondage cash got my hands in a knot
But I want it so bad, it’s so close yet so far
Like when I see my Dad, he deserves that new car
Can’t get job, bank trying to foreclose on his home
Man, I’m sorry you’re alone, I’ll pay that mortgage once I’m on
Dad, I promise
[Hook]
[Verse 2: College Smart]
I’m stuck in this nightmare
Running from these demons, though I never see them
It feels like they’re right there
Afraid to go to sleep, I could I wake up screaming
One of these nights, so one eye open
The cousin of death won’t catch me dozing
Adderall pills could be overdosing
So I’ma go hard until my coffin closing
I put that on everything
And I would give up anything
To not have to go down the fork in the road
And choose fame over wedding rings
But this 9 to 9
Ain't doing shit to keep pops alive
I'm afraid to lose a minute of my fathers time
So I'm stuck in this race with father time
Should I move to NY?
Find a promoter that’s on my level?
Change who I am for a deal with Jay?
Is it a deal with Jay? Or a deal with the devil?
Trade my soul for a chain and a bezel?
Walk around frontin like I care for a medal?
So y’all can resent me and make these hoes tempt me
And make enough dough to ride around in a Bentley?
Doesn’t make a difference
No matter what you’ll say I’ve changed
Changed my look, changed my style
Changed my sound and changed my name
But I’ll never be the same
Everything I do is apart of the plan
And if you ain’t ride or die
Then I don’t give a fuck if y’all don’t understand
(Hook)
[Verse 3: College Smart]
How am I supposed to tell y’all
How I feel if I don’t know myself?
Sick of these shows, I'm getting nowhere
Trying to put this damn CD on the shelf
I’m supposed to be promoting
I’m at work trying to get promoted
I got bills, until music pay them
I won’t be on the road touring
And I'm sorry to my fans
But this fucking life is crazy
This is hopeless, I can't focus
I'd need dope to keep eyes open
I be zoning, people asking what I'm smoking
I don't know man
I just know that I’ve been blowing it
Got a gift that I ain’t opened yet
Like I could of known
That these crowds would want to hear me
I see jealous rappers fear me
And now shallow bitches near me
I’m up late, I’m feeling weary
Got to get home, tomorrow’s nearing
Got to get back to work at 8am
I don’t know what type of game I’m in
And really, being honest
This shit right here? This could be my last song
And the worst thing is
I can’t say that that’s wrong
Fuck this shit
Suddenly it’s all too hard to manage
And these questions hard to answer
Been awhile since I been on campus
So I’m gone
[Hook]
[Outro]
I keep running
I don’t know myself
I keep hiding
I don’t know myself
