[BAKER, spoken]
It's because of you there's a giant in our midst, and my wife is dead!
[JACK]
But it isn't my fault
I was given those beans!
You persuaded me to trade away
My cow for beans!
And without those beans
There'd have been no stalk
To get up to the giants
In the first place!
[BAKER]
Wait a minute—
Magic beans
For a cow so old
That you had to tell
A lie to sell
It, which you told!
Were they worthless beans?
Were they oversold?
Oh, and tell us who
Persuaded you
To steal that gold!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD, to JACK]
See, it's your fault
[JACK]
No!
[BAKER]
So it's your fault
[JACK]
No!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
Yes, it is!
[JACK]
It's not!
[BAKER]
It's true
[JACK]
Wait a minute, but—
I only stole the gold
To get my cow back
From you!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD, to BAKER]
So it's your fault!
[JACK]
Yes!
[BAKER]
No, it isn't!
I'd have kept those beans
But our house was cursed
She made us get a cow
To get the curse reversed!
[WITCH]
It's your father's fault
That the curse got placed
And the place got cursed
In the first place!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
Oh
Then it's his fault!
[WITCH]
So...
[CINDERELLA]
It was his fault…
[JACK]
No
[BAKER]
Yes, it is
It's his
[CINDERELLA]
I guess…
[JACK]
Wait a minute, though—
I chopped down the beanstalk
Right? That's clear
But without any beanstalk
Then what's queer
Is how did the second giant get down here
In the first place?
Second place…?
[CINDERELLA, spoken]
Yes!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD, spoken]
How?
[BAKER, spoken]
Hmm…
[JACK]
Well
Who had the other bean?
[BAKER]
The other bean?
[CINDERELLA]
The other bean?
[JACK, to BAKER]
You pocketed the other bean
[BAKER]
I didn't!
Yes, I did
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
So it's your—!
[BAKER]
No, it isn't
'Cause I gave it to my wife!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
So it's her—!
[BAKER]
No, it isn't!
[CINDERELLA]
Then whose is it?
[BAKER]
Wait a minute!
[To CINDERELLA]
She exchanged that bean
To obtain your shoe
So the one who knows what happened
To the bean is you!
[CINDERELLA]
You mean that old bean—
That your wife—? Oh, dear—
But I never knew
And so I threw—
Well, don't look here!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
So it's your fault!
[CINDERELLA]
But I didn't—
[JACK]
See, it's her fault—!
[CINDERELLA]
But she didn't say to me—
[JACK]
And it isn't mine at all!
[BAKER, to CINDERELLA]
But what?
[CINDERELLA, to Jack]
Well, if you hadn't gone
Back up again—
[JACK]
We were needy—
[CINDERELLA]
You were greedy!
Did you need that hen?
[JACK]
But I got it for my mother!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
So it's her fault then!
[CINDERELLA]
Yes, and what about the harp
In the third place?
[BAKER]
The harp—yes!
[JACK, referring to LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
She went and dared me to!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
I dared you to?
[JACK]
You dared me to!
She said that I was scared to
She dared me!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
No, I didn't!
[BAKER, CINDERELLA & JACK]
So it's your fault!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
Wait a minute—!
[CINDERELLA]
If you hadn't dared him to—
[BAKER, to JACK]
And you had left the harp alone
We wouldn't be in trouble
In the first place!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD, to CINDERELLA]
Well, if you hadn't thrown away the bean
In the first place—!
It was your fault!
[CINDERELLA, referring to WITCH]
Well, if she hadn't raised them in the first place—!
[JACK, to WITCH]
Yes, if you hadn't raised them in the first place—!
[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD & BAKER, to WITCH]
Right! It's you who raised them in the first place—!
[CINDERELLA]
You raised the beans in the first place!
[JACK]
It's your fault!
[CINDERELLA, JACK, LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD & BAKER]
You're responsible!
You're the one to blame!
It's your fault!
[WITCH]
Shhhh!
It's the last midnight
It's the last wish
It's the last midnight
Soon it will be boom—
Squish!
Told a little lie
Stole a little gold
Broke a little vow
Did you?
Had to get your prince
Had to get your cow
Have to get your wish
Doesn't matter how—
Anyway, it doesn't matter now
It's the last midnight
It's the boom—
Splat!
Nothing but a vast midnight
Everybody smashed flat!
Nothing we can do—
Not exactly true
We can always give her the boy
[They protect JACK as the WITCH reaches for him.]
No?
No, of course, what really matters is the blame
Somebody to blame
Fine, if that's the thing you enjoy
Placing the blame
If that's the aim
Give me the blame—
Just give me the boy
[CINDERELLA, LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD & BAKER, spoken]
No!
[WITCH, spoken]
No...
(sung)
You're so nice
You're not good
You're not bad
You're just nice
I'm not good
I'm not nice
I'm just right
I'm the witch
You're the world
I'm the hitch
I'm what no one believes
I'm the witch
You're all liars and thieves
Like his father!
Like his son will be, too—
Oh, why bother?
You'll just do what you do
It's the last midnight
So goodbye, all
Coming at you fast, midnight—
Soon you'll see the sky fall!
Here, you want a bean?
Have another bean
Beans were made for making you rich!
Plant them and they soar—
Here, you want some more?
Listen to the roar
Giants by the score—!
Oh well, you can blame another witch
It's the last midnight
It's the last verse
Now, before it's past midnight
I'm leaving you my last curse:
I'm leaving you alone
You can tend the garden, it's yours
Separate and alone
Everybody down on all fours
All right, Mother, when?
Lost the beans again!
Punish me the way you did then!
Give me claws and a hunch
Just away from this bunch
And the gloom
And the doom
And the boom
Crunch!
