Field Scene
Michael: Come on, girls! Put your backs into it. Yeah, that’s it! Shake what yo mama gave you.
Penny: Ooh, I am beat. But I got to admit, we’re good.
LaCienega: Good? Proud, we’re the bomb.
Dijonay: That’s right, we’re going to turn that dance contest out.
Zoey: Wow. I can’t believe we’re going to be on Hip-Hop Helicopter.
Penny: Why are we trippin’? There’s no way we’re going to be picked to be in the Hip-Hop Helicopter dance contest.
LaCienega: I’m with Proud on that one. They always pick high school and college kids.
Michael: What? I’ve been choreographing you chicks for nothing? Oh, no. Michael don’t play that.
Dijonay: Calm down, Footloose. We’re definitely going to be on Hip-Hop Helicopter. And here comes our hookup now. Check out that ride.
Zoey: Wow. That’s your cousin’s car?
Dijonay: Yeah. She’s from the other side of the family.
LaCienega: You mean, the side with the money?
Dijonay: So what? I’m from the side with the looks.
Michael: Yeah, looks like you ain’t got no money.
Dijonay: Hey, Bethany.
Bethany: What’s up, cuz?
Dijonay: And these are my friends.
Bethany: Look, I don’t have time for introduction, okay? Just wanted to let you know that you’re on the show.
The Girls: Hip Hop Helicopter!!! Hip Hop Helicopter!!!
Living Room Scene
Felix: You ready to do this, Oscar?
Oscar: I’m in fighting shape, Felix. I’m ready to rumble.
Felix: We’re going to smoke those chumps tonight. You know what I’m saying?
Trudy: Oscar, we better get going. The bowling tournament starts in about 15 minutes.
Oscar: Which means it’s going to be over in 16 minutes.
Sunset: Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Suga Mama’s and Papi’s team tied with us for first place.
Oscar: Because they hadn’t played us yet. I’m finally going to pay Mama back for all that trash she’s been talking since I was six minutes old.
Felix: Do you hear me? Those geezers are going down.
Oscar & Felix: Yeah-yay!
Trudy: Sunset, do you ever wonder why we married them?
Sunset: Because they were handsome and rich.
Penny: Mama, Daddy, can I go with my girls to see the Hip-Hop Helicopter show?
Oscar: No.
Penny: Why not, Daddy?
Oscar: Because I’ve seen that show. And I know that boys will be there.
Trudy: Oh, Oscar, you’re impossible. Do you know there are boys in church, too?
Oscar: Fine, she can’t go there either.
Bethany: Mr. and Mrs. Proud, I’m Dijonay’s cousin Bethany. And I assure you the girls will be fine. They’ll be riding with me and I’m on the show every week. And there’s nothing but good, wholesome fun.
Oscar: There’s nothing wholesome about dancing like this.
Trudy: Oscar, you’re scaring my babies.
Oscar: I’m scaring myself. On an irresponsible parent would allow their daughter to go on a show like that.
LaCienega: Mommy, Papi, can I go?
Sunset: Why, of course, honey.
Felix: Have a good time, baby.
Penny: Come on, Daddy, everyone else is going.
Oscar: Let me ask you something. If everybody jumped off a bridge, would you do that, too?
Penny: If it was fun.
Oscar: Fun?
Trudy: Oscar. I am not going to let your caveman ways stop my baby from having fun with her friends. You can go, Penny.
Penny: Thanks, Mama.
Oscar: Oh, go ahead, just ignore me.
Trudy: Make sure you’re home by 10:00 now.
Penny: I will, Mama.
Oscar: Just pretend I’m not here.
Trudy: Here’s some money for you to eat something.
Penny: Thanks, Mama. Bye.
Oscar: Yep, just call me the invisible man.
Trudy: Did you say something, Oscar?
Outside Scene
Dijonay: Hey! We’re on our way to...
All girls (except Bethany); Hip Hop Helicopter, Hip Hop Helicopter!!!
Bethany: Okay, y’all better hip-hop out of my car.
Penny: I thought you were giving us a ride.
Bethany: Oh, I don’t think so. I got to pick up my real girls. Y’all got to walk. Be there by 5:00 or you won’t get in. I’m out.
Penny: Man, I thought your cousin was cool, Dijonay.
Dijonay: She is cool. We’re not.
Bowling Scene
Suga Mama: All right now, y’all. Y’all better watch this right here. I call this my turkey ball.
Oscar: What’s a turkey ball?
Suga Mama: Well, that’s when you get three strikes in a row. Oh, come on now. Get on! Ooh, gobble, gobble. That’s three strikes, turkey.
Oscar: That’s not three strikes. It’s only one.
Suga Mama: I count three. Right, Papi?
Papi: Personally, I count six chins.
Oscar: Don’t laugh too hard yet, Papi. It’s big Oscar’s turn now. I’m going to throw my famous hesitation ball.
Suga Mama: Why don’t you put some hesitation on that trash-talking and just get to bowling?
Oscar: I say freeze. Now, tighten up.
Oscar & Felix: Yeah-yay!
Felix: What’s wrong, Daddy? You need some help?
Suga Mama: Olé, Papi. Olé!
Oscar: Come on, Trudy. We can’t let these old folks beat us.
Trudy: Oscar, age has nothing to do with it.
Sunset: We need to respect our elders.
Oscar: No, we need to bury them. Okay, I guess we can all take a bathroom break.
Old Lady 1: Hmph, as slow as that ball is rolling we could all die and come back.
Oscar: Yeah!
Oscar & Felix: Yeah-yay!
Old ladies: Ooh.
Live Concert Scene
Big Boy: What’s up, y’all, it’s me, Big Boy! And I’m your host of...
Audience: Hip-Hop Helicopter! Hip-Hop Helicopter!
Big Boy: Say what, y’all?
Audience: Hip-Hop Helicopter!
Big Boy: And my special guest co-host this week is Access Hollywood’s superfine reporter, Shaun Robison. Give it up y’all. Now, how did you like riding in the Hip-Hop Helicopter? I bet you didn’t know that Big Boy was a pilot, did you?
Shaun: Not the way you crash-landed on set.
Big Boy: No, I just had to do that so I can get close to you, girl and now that I have you wounded you can’t get away from me.
Shaun: I’d never want to get away from you, Big Boy. You know what that sounds means?
Big Boy: Is it lunch?
Shaun: No, three lunches a day is my limit, Big Boy.
Big Boy: Now, hold on, let me tell you something, Shaun you could never put a limit on lunch.
Shaun: All righty then. It’s time for the Hip-Hop Helicopter dance contest. And our first contestants are the Chang triplets.
Penny: How did you guys get in here?
Debbie: My father is the director. Henry Chang.
Shaun: Well, Big Boy, this is our last group of the night but certainly not our least.
Big Boy: Well, will you at least go out with me tonight then, Shaun?
Shaun: We’ll talk about that later, Big Boy, I’m sure over dinner.
Big Boy: Oh, that’s right, Shaun, Sizzler style. But until then, listen up everybody go ahead and get your hands together for the young ladies who call themselves L.P.D.Z.
Bowling Scene
Suga Mama: No pressure, boy. You just need a strike to win. Don’t be scared.
Oscar: Scared? I live for pressure.
Trudy: Oh! Look, look at the TV.
Sunset: It’s our babies up there dancing.
Oscar: That’s my daughter.
Pervet: Dude, that’s your daughter? Dude, she’s a hottie.
Oscar: What? Why, you little...!
Live Concert Scene
Shaun: Big Boy, by the sound of our studio audience, I do believe we have a winner.
Big Boy: That’s right, Shaun, the winners of the Hip-Hop Helicopter dance contest are L.P.D.Z. Make some noise!
Shaun: So, L.P.D.Z., tell us about yourselves.
LaCienega: Well, I’m the “L,” LaCienega. She’s the “P,” Penny. She’s the “D,” Dijonay. And she’s the “Z,” Zoey. And we’re so happy to be the winners.
Penny: I want to thank our parents for letting us come down here today and our choreographer over there, Michael.
Michael: Hey!
Dijonay: I want to give a shout-out to my sister, my brother, my brother, my brother, my brother, and my brother. And I want to give a special shout-out to my cousin Bethany who believed in us and got us in the dance contest. Hey, Beth!
Zoey: And I want to thank my Aunt Madonna for making our costumes.
Big Boy: Okay, now listen, it’s about that time to take a ride on... the Hip-Hop Helicopter.
Audience: Hip-Hop Helicopter!
Big Boy: Say what, y’all?
L.P.D.Z.: Hip-Hop Helicopter!
Big Boy: You coming, Shaun?
Shaun: I’ll take the bus this time, Big Boy.
Big Boy: Well, go ahead, suit yourself. Let’s do this, girls. We out here. We’re going to see you right back here on the Hip-Hop Helicopter next week. I am Big Boy! Take me out of here.
Outside Scene
Penny: Thanks for the ride home, Bethany.
Bethany: Hey, you know I can’t let my girls walk home.
Dijonay: But you made your girls walk to the studio.
Bethany: Oh, well, that’s before you blew up the spot and became celebrities. By the way, I’m your new manager. We split everything 50/50. We’ll talk about the details later.
Zoey: I can’t wait for my parents to see my trophy.
LaCienega: My problem is where to put mine. Between all the pageants, beauty contests, essays and debating trophies I’ve won, I’m completely out of trophy space.
Michael: What about me? I didn’t get a trophy and I choreographed the dance.
Penny: Snap out of it, Michael. That’s the breaks when you choose to be behind the scenes. And remember, I did give you your props live on the air.
Michael: You right Penny. We cool. Thanks for helping a brother out.
Penny: Man, wait until our parents find out we won the dance contest. They’re going to be so excited.
Living Room Scene
Penny: Mama, Daddy, Suga Mama, guess what?
Trudy: We know what.
Oscar: We saw you girls dancing half naked on TV. That’s right. You’re straight busted.
Dijonay: Well, Penny, we see you’re busy. Bye.
Penny: But, Daddy, we won the dance contest.
Oscar: No, you won the skimpiest outfit contest. Look at you. And you call all that shaking and gyrating you girls did dancing? I was shocked and disgusted. I remember back in the day we did nice, wholesome dances, like...
Suga Mama: The Freak, The Grind, The Bump, The Pump The Shake-That-Rump. Need I go on? Penny, forget your daddy. I’m proud of you. You girls danced great, and you looked great, too.
Penny: Thank you, Sugar Mama.
Suga Mama: Your daddy’s just mad because I took him to school in bowling.
Oscar: You took me to school? You wasn’t taken me to school when I was going to school.
Trudy: Penny, let’s talk in your room.
Penny: Okay, Mama.
Penny’s Room Scene
Trudy: Baby, first I want to say I’m happy that you and your friends won the dance contest. You girls obviously worked hard and it paid off.
Penny: Thanks, Mama.
Trudy: But... I’m very disappointed in the outfit you girls chose to wear. They’re just too revealing for young ladies your age.
Penny: But Mama, Zoey’s aunt made us costumes just like the ones all the hottest and dancers wear. And a lot of those girls are our age.
Trudy: Okay, Penny, I understand that. But that outfit is not appropriate for a child of mine to wear. I just want you to enjoy being a teenager for as long as you can, baby.
Penny: But Mama, I’m not a baby.
Trudy: I know you’re not a baby. And you’re going to blossom into a beautiful young woman sooner than you think. But I don’t want you trying to speed up the process by wearing clothes that are to revealing for your age. Do you understand that, Penny?
Penny: Yes, Mama.
Trudy: Now, let’s put that outfit away for a couple of years, okay?
Penny: In other words, don’t ever wear this outfit again.
Trudy: You got it.
School Scene
Omar: Hey, Penny, can I carry your books?
Boy 1: Yo, LaCienega, can I take you out for ice cream?
Boy 2: Hey, Zoey, can I walk you to the library?
Sticky: Hey, yo, Dijonay, can I do your homework for you?
Penny: Wow, this has been going on all day.
Zoey: I’ve never had so much attention in my whole life.
LaCienega: Now, you know how I feel every day.
Dijonay: Even Sticky is pushing up on me today.
Zoey: These boys are under our spell.
Penny: And we’ve got the power, y’all. And I like it.
LaCienega: Again, welcome to my world.
Bethany: Hey, L.P.D.Z., get in.
Dijonay: What’s up, cuz?
Bethany: Ah-ah-ah, that’s “manager.” There’s a party I want to tell you about. Your first personal appearance.
Debbie: Hey, we want to go to the party, too.
Bethany: Uh, no, I don’t think so. Only cool kids can go.
Debbie: Hey, we’re cool kids.
Bethany: Yeah, at the library.
Outside Scene
Bethany: Look, my friend Gary is having a house party on Saturday and he wants L.P.D.Z. as his special guest.
Dijonay: A high school party?
Bethany: Okay, calm down, calm down, look. There are only two things I need you girls to do. One, tell everybody you’re 17.
Zoey: Why?
Bethany: Because, cool high schoolers don’t want to hang out with middle schoolers. And the other thing you have to do is wear those outfits that you wore on Hip-Hop Helicopter.
LaCienega: No problem.
Penny: Yes, problem. I promised my mom I’d never wear that outfit again. I can’t go.
Bethany: Well, none of you can go. Gary invited L.P.D.Z., not L.D.Z.
Dijonay: Come on, Penny, this is a high school party we’re talking about.
Zoey: Yeah, don’t be a party pooper.
Penny: But I promised.
LaCienega: Look, Proud, the party’s on Saturday. That’s the day of the big bowling rematch. We’ll be home alone.
Bethany: That’s perfect. All you girls have to do is wear you outfits under your regular clothes then when we get to the party, you switch back and you’re L.P.D.Z. again, ooh. What do you say, Penny?
Penny: I don’t know.
LaCienega: Come on, Proud. We can’t do it without you.
Penny: Okay, I’ll do it.
Living Room Scene
Oscar: Today is the big day, Trudy. Today Sugar Mama’s team is going down. Check this out. Bring the grill and some sauce because they going to get smoked.
Trudy: I’m just glad that after today, all this beating your mama madness will be over.
Oscar: That’s where you’re wrong. This is not about beating my mom.
Trudy: Just admit it, Oscar. You are very competitive with her.
Oscar: That is not true.
Trudy: It is. You’re competitive about everything. Bowling, Scrabble, cards.
Suga Mama: All right, y’all ready to go? Last one to the car buys the gas.
Oscar: Ready, set, go!
Trudy: Running to the car.
Teen Party Scene
Gary: What up, Bethany? What’s up girl? Give me some love.
Bethany: Ladies, this is Gary. He’s hosting the party. Gary, meet L.P.D.Z.
Gary: Oh, hey, welcome, ladies, welcome. I believe you know my good friend, the Chang triplets.
Penny: The Chang triplets?
Dijonay: How did y’all get up in here?
Debbie: Our mom is Gary’s landlord. I guess we are cool after all. And rich.
Dijonay: This is off the hizzy.
Gary: Yo, everybody, check it out. Check it out. L.P.D.Z.’s up in the hiz-ouse. Show ‘me some love! Show ‘me some love, come on.
Zoey: We fooled them. They really think we’re all that.
LaCienega: I know I am.
Dijonay: So, what do you think, Penny? You glad you came?
Penny: Yeah, I’m glad.
Gary: Hey, P., come on, let’s dance.
Penny: Real glad.
Bowling Scene
Felix: Don’t be nervous, Papi.
Oscar: You need this spare to win. Don’t choke. That’s it, we won! Who’s the man, now, Mama?
Suga Mama: You are, son. The better team win tonight.
Oscar: And you know this.
Trudy: That’s enough, Oscar.
Sunset: Yeah, you two be good sports.
Felix: Yeah, you’re right. Hey, Oscar, let’s treat these losers to pizza.
Oscar: That’s a good idea, Felix. I’m going to order a cheese, sausage... and crow pizza for you, Mama.
Old Lady 1: Okay, we held up our part the deal by throwing the game.
Old Lady 2: Now, you two hold up your part of the deal and throw us some ducats.
Papi: Finally, some reward for my pain.
Suga Mama: Lord, I just love the way that man talks.
Sunset: I just want to thank you guys for letting our husbands win.
Trudy: Now, they can ignore us like they normally do.
Oscar: What’s funny?
Felix: Come on, let us in on the joke.
Teen Party Scene
Gary: So, P., you have another letter in your life? You know, a boyfriend?
Penny: No, not at this time.
Gary: Then we should start hanging out sometime. What you think?
Penny: Me? I think... I think I’m going to get back to you, okay? Excuse me. These guys are whack. They don’t even look you in the eye, you know?
LaCienega: Yeah, I talked to this guy for 15 minutes and he didn’t even ask me my name.
Dijonay: Yeah, I don’t know. It’s like they’re looking right through you.
Bethany: What’s up with you three? Okay, the guys say you’re trippin’.
Penny: Us? They’re the ones trippin’.
Dijonay: Yeah, all they want to do is... I don’t know exactly what they want to do, but we’re not doing it.
Bethany: Guys, look, grow up. Okay, when they’re not looking at you is when you need to be worried.
LaCienega: We’re only 14. We have nothing to worry about.
Bethany: Look, quit acting like babies and get with the program. Either that, or go home.
Penny: You know what, Bethany? I guess I don’t get your program. I guess I’m just an uncool middle schooler. Tell you what, we’ll get out of your way and you tell Mekhi Phifer over there to stay out of our way, cool? Let’s bounce, y’all.
Bethany: Fine, you’re fired.
Penny: Come on, Zoey. We’re leaving.
Zoey: No, I love the power. You can’t make me give it up.
Penny: No, Zoey, come on.
Zoey: No, I want to stay. Look at ‘em. They do whatever I say. I am woman!
Garage Scene
Penny: Ooh, I made it. No one’s here. Got away with another one.
Zoey: You guys see what I see?
LaCienega: It’s what we don’t see.
Dijonay: We Left our clothes in Bethany’s car.
Zoey: We’re toast.
Penny: Not yet. My parents aren’t home. Okay, now we’re toast.
Penny’s Room Scene
Penny: Well, I’m grounded.
LaCienega: Me, too.
Dijonay: Me, three.
Zoey: Ditto.
Penny: I’ve learned my lesson. I don’t care about the power. I’m not ever wearing that outfit again.
Dijonay: Shoot, my mama burned mine.
LaCienega: Yeah. My daddy put mine in a paper shredder.
Penny: I don’t hear you. Earth to Zoey.
Zoey: I’m wearing mine under my clothes right now. I love the power. Goodbye.
Penny, LaCienega, Dijonay: Dang!
