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A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper Is Crying Lyrics by Bloodhound Gang

Hooray for Boobies (Expanded Edition)

1999

[Verse 1]
I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert that night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love. It had been a while
In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10. I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons through a pair of Daisy-Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit of the Loom tank-tops
Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips, milky white skin and baby blue eyes. Name was Russell
[Chorus]
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well, I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
[Verse 2]
Well, faster than you can say "shallow grave", this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock. Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin', 'cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer."
Well, she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern, and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask as I do my little kooky dance. And then she told me to shush. I guess she could sense my desperation
'Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl
[Chorus]
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well, I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
[Verse 3]
So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true. So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?"
Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later, I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean. Got to nail her back at her trailer. Heh. That rhymes
I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula
[Chorus]
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well, I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
[Verse 4]
Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch, gave the tranny a spin and slid on into the Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop. There I was browsin' through the latest issue of Throb when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton. Well, my heart just dropped
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would:
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice and polish the one-eyed gopher when you're doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler. I never thought missing children could be so sexy
Did I say that out loud?
[Chorus]
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well, I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Credits
Bloodhound Gang

Bloodhound Gang

About “A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper Is Crying” by Bloodhound Gang

Read the complete lyrics to "A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper Is Crying" by Bloodhound Gang from the album "Hooray for Boobies (Expanded Edition)" in 1999. On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Comedy, Rap, Hard Rock.

"A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper Is Crying" is performed by Bloodhound Gang. from the album "Hooray for Boobies (Expanded Edition)" in 1999 This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper Is Crying", explore more songs by Bloodhound Gang using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper Is Crying" is credited to Bloodhound Gang. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper Is Crying" appears on "Hooray for Boobies (Expanded Edition)" in 1999.

Visit the Bloodhound Gang artist page at /artist/bloodhound-gang for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.