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Relapse Lyrics by Blythe Baird

If My Body Could Speak

2017

Sometimes I miss being sick
The grimiest part of me wishes I had stayed
In that familiar city of grey and mental illness
and whatever the opposite of healing is
Where there was nothing to laugh about
but plenty to write about

I've considered myself to be recovered from my eating disorder for three years
But I still write about it in present tense
I also still keep all of my exes in my contact list
And for once, I don't want to write about this
For the first time I'm embarrassed instead of proud
Of all of the math things I've done for happiness

When a friend at dinner makes a casual comment on calories
the scoreboard in my head illuminates with numbers again
Once I cut a ribbon the size I wanted to be
and wore it around like my waist like a bracelet

Bathroom scales make me feel nostalgic
like a scrapbook I flip through snapshots of my sickness
the suppers of tobacco smoke and red lipstick
how I used to pack my lunchbox with floss and teeth whitening strips

Last night, I painted my nails when I was hungry
I can't eat until the polish is dry
I don't want to go into more detail
because what if you mistake this poem for an instruction manual?
I don't know how to talk about the rabbit hole
without accidentally inviting you to follow me down it

When recovery is not all yoga mats and tea and avocados, it is work
It is reminding me that sucking on ice cubes does not count as dinner
Body, forgive me

It is not healthy to drink so much water
that your body becomes a bathtub your organs float in like loofahs
Body, forgive me

Trying to ignore the caloric calculator in my head
is like trying to ignore television subtitles
and sometimes I just can't
Body, forgive me

Recovery is hard work
Not wanting to die is hard work
Every time you asked if I was full, I heard you say fat
But I'm trying so hard not to do that
But I cannot unmemorize the calories of a peppermint

Wanting to die is not the same as wanting to come home
And I'm still trying to remember that.
Credits
Blythe Baird

Blythe Baird

About “Relapse” by Blythe Baird

Read the complete lyrics to "Relapse" by Blythe Baird from the album "If My Body Could Speak" in 2017. On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Non-Music.

"Relapse" is performed by Blythe Baird. from the album "If My Body Could Speak" in 2017 This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Relapse", explore more songs by Blythe Baird using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

View all songs and biography for Blythe Baird · Trending lyrics · Billboard Hot 100

Frequently asked questions

"Relapse" is credited to Blythe Baird. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Relapse" appears on "If My Body Could Speak" in 2017.

Visit the Blythe Baird artist page at /artist/blythe-baird for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.

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