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How to Wash a Check Lyrics by Bonnie Milligan

Kimberly Akimbo (Original Broadway Cast Recording)

2023

[Intro: Debra, Seth, Martin]
Alright, listen, this mailbox is filled with checks
Which we're gonna retrieve and wipe clean
Isn't that check fraud?
I mean, what even is "check fraud?"
It's the fraudulent use of checks
Merriam-Webster over here
Okay, let's review
"How to Wash a Check"
[Verse 1]
Tie the fish-line
Open the mailbox
Drop the glue trap
Get a bite
Pull the line up
Take the check out
Make a copy
Do it right
[Refrain]
Or nobody gets what they want
Nobody gets what they want, sing it
Nobody gets what they want, in harmony
Nobody gets what they want
[Interlude]
Okay, next steps
[Verse 2]
Soak the checky
In the solvent
Where'd the ink go? (Ooh)
Outta sight
Dry the check off
Forge the Hancock
"To Seth Weetis" (Wait, what?)
Do it right (Did you say Seth Wee—)
[Refrain]
Or everybody ends up in jail (Oh God)
Everybody ends up in jail (Tell me)
Everybody ends up in jail (Remind me)
Everybody ends up in jail
[Interlude]
Good, now you do it
[Verse 3]
Tie the fish line (Right)
Open the mailbox (Good)
Now the glue trap (You didn't peel it)
Where's the fish line? (What are you doing?)
The line is tangled (Jesus)
These fumes are strong (What is happening?)
Who has the glue trap? (I can't peel it)
If you guys cock this up
[Refrain]
Nobody gets what they want
Nobody gets what they want
Nobody gets what they want
[Interlude]
Can't I just reach in the mailbox? My arms are pretty skinny
No, just do it like I said
Got the fish line, got the glue trap
Hand it over
It's so sticky
[Verse 4]
I think my arm's stuck (What?)
Inside the mailbox? (Oh shit, his arm's stuck)
Stuck in the mailbox (I said not to do that)
Stuck in the mailbox (I'm sorry)
Pull it out (I can't)
Try to relax (It's eating my arm)
[Refrain]
The glue trap is stuck to my head (How did you—)
The glue trap is stuck to my head
The glue trap is stuck to her head (Of course it is)
The mailbox is eating my arm (Kill me)
The mailbox is eating— The glue trap is stuck to—
Everybody's going to jail
Everybody's going to jail, sing it
Everybody's going to jail
[Interlude]
Ugh, you know what? You're terrible at this
Maybe I should've recruited the Show Choir from West Orange
No, we are better than West Orange
We can do this, you guys!
Tenor! Alto! Bass! Watch!
[Verse 5]
Tie the fish line
Open the mailbox
Drop the glue trap
Get a bite (Okay)
Pull the line up
Take the check out
Make a copy
Do it right (You're getting my hopes up)
Soak the checky, soak the checky
Soak the checky (Aloha)
In the solvent, in the solvent
In the solvent (Mahalo)
Where'd the ink go? Where'd the ink go?
Where'd the ink go? (I'm gonna learn to hula on Waikiki Beach)
Outta sight, outta sight, outta sight
Dry the check off, dry the check off, dry the check off
Forge the Hancock, forge the Hancock, forge the Hancock
"To Seth Weetis," "To Seth Weetis," "To Seth Weetis"
We did it right (I knew you would)
Yay!
[Outro]
Then you get the costumes you need (Oh, woah)
We get the costumes we need
Yeah, and Kim gets a family trip (Oh, woah)
Kim gets a family trip
And I get to Waikiki Beach (Oh, woah)
And you get to Waikiki Beach
And Seth gets
Oh, I don't really need anyth— (Doesn't matter)
Everybody gets what they want, yeah
Everybody gets what they want, yeah
Everybody gets what they want
Credits
Bonnie Milligan

Bonnie Milligan

About “How to Wash a Check” by Bonnie Milligan

Read the complete lyrics to "How to Wash a Check" by Bonnie Milligan from the album "Kimberly Akimbo (Original Broadway Cast Recording)" in 2023. On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Theatre, Broadway, Musicals.

"How to Wash a Check" is performed by Bonnie Milligan. from the album "Kimberly Akimbo (Original Broadway Cast Recording)" in 2023 This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "How to Wash a Check", explore more songs by Bonnie Milligan using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"How to Wash a Check" is credited to Bonnie Milligan. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"How to Wash a Check" appears on "Kimberly Akimbo (Original Broadway Cast Recording)" in 2023.

Visit the Bonnie Milligan artist page at /artist/bonnie-milligan for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.