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Birth of Bovine Jesus Lyrics by Bovine Gang

How We Saved Christmas

2020

[Spoken word]
Three shepherds washed their cock by night
They were preparing a chicken piccata
But deep inside their souls did thirst
And they couldn't push on any farther
They yearned for beef, the red meat treat
But for steak, they couldn't barter
Because cattle was rare and no one did share
So what the Shepards needed was a martyr
Alone, we cattle are lost
Together, with Bovine Jesus, we are found
I was oncе lost, two days ago
Away from the paddock, lost in IKEA
I saw a light, a light so beguiling
So beautiful, so wondеrful!
I pissed my pants in fear, in shame! Of my own worthlessness!
In this endless corridor of IKEAs unmappable premises
Bovine Jesus found me
A bulge formed from Bovine Jesus's chest to his grundle
His mammoth-sized udders began to shake and convulse madly
Just like when my mothers stillborn crawled down her vaginal cavity
His belly button began to open wider and wider
Just like the expansion of my aunt's cervical entrance
When my dad's sperm entered her womb
Blood gushed out, dripping down his pulsating vascular endometrium
Two holes opened, his bowels bursted, hurling faeces towards the herd
Felt first, not heard, his shit was faster than sound
Diarrhoea pounded my entire bovine face, God had marked me
His timbral moo moans were an explosion to the eardrum
Cringing my anus!
A golden silhouette dripped down the bloody intestinal opening
Tearing the attached womb tissue
Just like the circumcision of my foreskin
His innards came out his anus
Oozing like the squeezing of meat into a chicken sausage
The Golden Calf stood with horns erect and udders exposed
And this was not the fake shit Golden Calf from the Bible
That shit was lame!
Nononononono, it was the real Golden Calf
The real new Bovine Jesus, he's alive!
He is alive! And this is what he said (Moo)
Bovine Jesus has a plan and purpose for all bovines
No matter cow or cattle, bison or buffalo
Yak or ox, bongo or bubalus
And he will deliver upon bovines at least three gifts
Pastures of gold, paddocks of diamond
And sweet, sweet flowing rivers of vanilla Pepsi
Yes, Brother! Bovine Jesus has blessed you and me
He's king of the moos
And with the help of the holy trinity
Of Bovine Jesus, Wonton Jesus, and some other guy
The wretched scum of earth can be set free, oh yes, Brother!
In the time before Bovine Jesus
The cattle of the world relied on the teats
Of their brethren for their supplies of milk
White dairy from the white men and women
Whilst the sweet chocolate milk was suckled directly
From the BBCs of the world, the big black source
Fellow bovines, I call upon you now!
Surrender Yourself to the king of moos, to the udder brilliance
Bow before his golden udder shower and repent for your sins!
Bovine Jesus, I've been very naughty
And I prostrate myself before you now
I want you to enter my life
Ohh, Your milk is washing me white as snow
My sins have been forgiven in Your udder mercy
Oh, Bovine Jesus, ooh!
I wanna accept you into me, Bovine Jesus
Make me one with you, oh Lord!
Let me suckle for the milk, straight from the source
The white teats and the BBC
Enter my innermost being
(Oh, Bovine Jesus, come closer) Let me feel the weight of Your udders
Like the immense weight, you bear (Let me be closer to Your presence)
Whenever you give birth to Yourself again (Touch my heart and make me moo)
Bovine Jesus, be with me, be in me (Expose my flaws and woo)
Wrap me up in Your leather (Ooh)
Make me Your own personal wonton (Oh, God!)
Bovine Jesus, I'm close (Clean my sins more, please!)
I'm ascending to you, Father, Your cow majesty!
(Bovine Jesus) Ah, Bovine Jesus!
I submit myself to you (Ah!)
Credits
Bovine Gang

Bovine Gang

About “Birth of Bovine Jesus” by Bovine Gang

Read the complete lyrics to "Birth of Bovine Jesus" by Bovine Gang from the album "How We Saved Christmas" in 2020. On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Rap, Christmas.

"Birth of Bovine Jesus" is performed by Bovine Gang. from the album "How We Saved Christmas" in 2020 This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Birth of Bovine Jesus", explore more songs by Bovine Gang using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"Birth of Bovine Jesus" is credited to Bovine Gang. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Birth of Bovine Jesus" appears on "How We Saved Christmas" in 2020.

Visit the Bovine Gang artist page at /artist/bovine-gang for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.