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Put Your Cans in the Hand Lyrics by Capitol Steps

Desperate Housemembers: Sometimes the Opposite of Progress is Congress

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TSA Guard:
Ladies and gentlemen, as you make your travel plans during this busy holiday season, we know that you have your choice of invasive airport security measures. That's why I'm here tonight on behalf of the TSA to give you a little hands-on demonstration. Now of course, yes, we do have the full-body scanning devices, or as we prefer to call them in the biz, the "ISL-ISF machines," [laughs]…"I See London, I See France." But if you would prefer to have the vigorous full body pat-down, well, I would highly recommend that. And of course, as usual, some passengers will be randomly…[whistles]…selected for extra measures. Um, miss, step this way please, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to take that bottle of water. Thank you very much!
Every time I see a pretty girl in line, I just start hoping
She'll take the pat-down rather than the X-ray so I can start a-groping
Since the TSA said it's OK to be fondled by some slob
We've been flooded with complaints as well as applications for the job
So put your cans in the hands of the man who steals your water
Let this hunk give the junk in your trunk just a little squeeze
Well, now, you can start to do your part, just put your hands up please
And put your cans in the hands of a man with a GED
Passenger:
My momma taught me what to do with guys like you before I was seven
She said try avoiding guys who aren't fit to work at 7-Eleven
Guard:
Hey, now, while you're in line, your body's mine
Your backside could hide a gun
Passenger:
When you're groped by a dope
Then you know the terrorists have won
Guard:
I demand that you stand where the handbook says you oughta
I demand that you stand…
Passenger:
Just do what you must do…
Guard:
Let's see your ID, says your name is Lee
Passenger:
Well, once my name was Hugh
You're putting your hand on the gland of a trannie
So the jokes on you
Credits
Capitol Steps

Capitol Steps

About “Put Your Cans in the Hand” by Capitol Steps

Read the complete lyrics to "Put Your Cans in the Hand" by Capitol Steps from the album "Desperate Housemembers: Sometimes the Opposite of Progress is Congress". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Pop.

"Put Your Cans in the Hand" is performed by Capitol Steps. from the album "Desperate Housemembers: Sometimes the Opposite of Progress is Congress" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Put Your Cans in the Hand", explore more songs by Capitol Steps using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"Put Your Cans in the Hand" is credited to Capitol Steps. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Put Your Cans in the Hand" appears on "Desperate Housemembers: Sometimes the Opposite of Progress is Congress".

Visit the Capitol Steps artist page at /artist/capitol-steps for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.