Lyrks
Lyrks
Lyrks
Cover Art

Invocation and Instructions to the Audience Lyrics by Christopher Durang

Sondheim: Putting It Together (Original Off-Broadway Cast Recording)

0

[THE OBSERVER, spoken]
Good evening, ladies gentleman and welcome
Patrons are respectfully reminded that the use of cameras
Or sound or video recording equipment is strictly forbidden
Also please do not sit in the aisles as in the event of any emergency
You will be trampled to death
Also, patrons who are fitted with hearing aids
Are requested not to turn up their levels too high
Lest they set up feedback in patrons fitted with pacemakers
Please do not crinkle your programs incessantly
Please do not fidget uncontrollably in your seats
Please do not make little clicking noises with your tongues
And please
[THE OBSERVER]
Don't cough
It tends to throw the actors off
Alright, it isn’t Aristophanes
But please
Don't cough
Don't say, "What?"
To every line you think you haven’t got
And if you're in a snit because you've missed the plot
(Of which I must admit there's not an awful lot)
Still don't
Say, "What?"
If you see flaws, please
Don't drop your jaws, please
No loud guffaws, please
When things don't go as planned
During a pause, please
Lots of applause, please
If we don't get a hand
You’ll have to stand for one that’s canned
[Canned audience applause plays.]
Don't go, "Oh!"
Whenever there’s a song you know
And when you hear the verse ,don't whisper low
"They cut that out of town, I saw the show
I don't recall the tempo being quite that slow"
And please, refrain
From eating sweets in cellophane
Though it's not Aristophanes
Please don’t fuss
And when you hear cacophonies
Well, don't blame us
If we should wax satirical
Don't take it wrong
And if, by a sudden miracle
A tune should appear that's lyrical
Don't hum along
Do not throw food, please
Till we conclude, please
Do not allude, please
To "talent gone to waste"
If something's screwed, please
Don't come unglued, please
No need to leave in haste
The author has a reputation based
On taste
So please don't fart
There's very little air and this is art
If now and then you're restless, don't lose heart
A premature departure may seem smart
But wait for the finale which is brilliant then depart
But first
We start
Putting it together
Credits
Christopher Durang

Christopher Durang

About “Invocation and Instructions to the Audience” by Christopher Durang

Read the complete lyrics to "Invocation and Instructions to the Audience" by Christopher Durang from the album "Sondheim: Putting It Together (Original Off-Broadway Cast Recording)". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Off-Broadway, Pop, Musicals.

"Invocation and Instructions to the Audience" is performed by Christopher Durang. from the album "Sondheim: Putting It Together (Original Off-Broadway Cast Recording)" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Invocation and Instructions to the Audience", explore more songs by Christopher Durang using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

View all songs and biography for Christopher Durang · Trending lyrics · Billboard Hot 100

Frequently asked questions

"Invocation and Instructions to the Audience" is credited to Christopher Durang. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Invocation and Instructions to the Audience" appears on "Sondheim: Putting It Together (Original Off-Broadway Cast Recording)".

Visit the Christopher Durang artist page at /artist/christopher-durang for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.