[Instrumental: P.SOUL - marbles]
[Intro]
Yo
New track
Ckl
[Verse 1: ckl]
Been 3 years of denial, 3 years of pain
3 years i been silent, 3 years tryin say
That im still attached to an ideal that never existed
But i can't stop the feel towards a thing i never missed yeah
But my focus i fixed it on this girl created in my mind
Keep sayin its time to get back on my grind
Grind towards what, a goal ill never know
A verse that never flows, a river dry long ago
Just a bed of sticks and stones that hurt me
Inanimate and irrelevant but i can't skrrt see cuz
Im addicted to her face, im addicted to this dream
Every night i see her there, but her man ill never be
And i know itll never work, but it keeps away the hurt
[Verse 2: ckl]
Call it a mechanism, a delusional machine
A person never born, but in my mind i always seen
A personality i created just to keep me wishin
Plenty of fish in the sea, but i was never fishin
Broken rod, infertile by choice, the tree ends here
Lifetime supply fertilizer water, dont forget the fear
Pretend its of commitment or of foreign things
Say i want something real and avoid the flings
But im just avoiding whats really going on
I keep going on about never being wrong
But its a trick and it keeps away the treat
Of living a life where i embrace reality
That im afraid to open up and get shut down
Cuz deep down i know i won't ever leave this town
Safe place, t dot,its a simple ideal
Period of my life where i can deny my feel
Say that im real and the most authentic around
But i found out that im just blocking out all the sound
Of myself telling me that its all just a lie
I wanna die, just to avoid my broken life
Internal strife, small strides at a time
So that i dont get excited only left to sigh
Desire to cry, but my face is dry, facial drought
This came about when i stopped going out
Deny myself the opportunity for joy
Grow my face hair out but inside im still a boy
Freud would say that im fixated at a phase
And im still amazed that he knew about this maze
[Verse 3: ckl]
Hedges of defence and pledges of correct
Im always on the fence, least resistance i select
The path i deem right is the path thats wrong
And i try to justify it by making it into a song
I mean what the fuck else am i supposed to do
All i think about at night is a message to shoot
On facebook to her when she wants zero
To do with me, she denies i was ever here no
So its justified cuz she had no interest
Just put in a situation where she had to say yes
I say its xenophobia, i say it was timing
But the truth comes out when i start this rhyming
Cause i unravel my mind and discover the truth
That she was uncomfortable and to blame was you
[Verse 4: ckl]
Talking in third person like a high school essay
Puppy love relationship, of course it was messy
Kicked myself around like a ball on the ground
I still justify it cuz im stuck at 160 pound
15 month membership, but i only went a week
I'm staying weak, speak just to keep my personality meek
As one excuse of many so i can handle rejection
Talk shit on others, but its just a projection
An image that doesnt exist, i build myself up to be like
Fake it till you make it, but a lifetime's too long right?
Wrong and thats why i wanna hit the bong
Hate the green but i like when my mind is on
Other things, anything keeping me occupied
Why i get fried, to tick away all the time
Because they said that it would heal away all of my wounds
But thats been a lie ever since i left the womb
[Verse 5: ckl]
Because the days are getting shorter
And im crying bloody murder
But it dont relieve the pain
So i listen to that porter
To drown out the sad in a sea of voices
But then the mere existence of the noises
Reminds me that im still alive
And have to deal with this shit till the day i die
Just remember, its 60 more years till you can quit
Retirement from life, but where are the benefits
So i light the cig and hope it goes by faster
Neither quantity nor quality, just shorter laster
Life starts off as a mold of plaster
You fill it over time and mine's filled with ashes
A tray of regret, a trainwreck thats just my life
One poor decision at a time, just waiting for the scythe
Damn
