[Intro]
Yo
Is this it?
Yo, Amanda Bynes what up!
[Verse 1]
I'm disgruntled
And if you call me "Fee-Fee," motherfuck you!
My name is on the EP: Dane Fyffe, check 1,2
My main shorty left me when my dollar bills crumbled
She said she's getting back with her uncle (but I love you!)
Trouble: Somehow, I always seem to fucking run to
Is that your wi-fi? (Bitch!), well I'mma take it from you
At a college party, some dude was selling mushrooms
Niggas got so trippy that they started learning kung-fu
Well I don't do drugs. Fuck it if that makes me uncool
I'm sick of living life inside this bubble; I wanna break free!
And show the whole world that I merk bars
But everyone's too busy watching nerds rap on WorldStar (Fuck that!)
Girls, cars, dollar bills, bitches, hoes
That should be enough to get some kind of deal with Interscope
I don't know; it beats working hard for a paycheck
To end up worse off than when you started (Am I dead yet?!)
Issues: I probably have two or three to many
The problem is that usually my bottle's half empty
What's your mom wearing? I don't mind sharing
Tell your dad I'll give her back after she slobs your aunt (Really?)
I'm gritty as fuck
When I'm not stuck in line behind the Hulk's stunt double
Sauced up, at a Starbucks
Did you just spill my coffee cup? It wasn't me, sir
Well who the fuck did?
I'm sorry! I'll buy you another one
So, I'm a pussy; sue me
I snuck into the movies and panicked
I'm too young to go to juvie! (Shhh)
You and me are probably nothing alike; I'm awkward
Kind of like a dress on a dyke
And I've been known to have a bit of bad luck on the mic
Cause I'm the type to make a song and just fuck it up like
[Interlude]
[DF:]Ohhhh shit!
[MG:] Ummm...
[DF:] What?..What the...What the fuck...What happened?!
[MG:] I don't...ummm...maybe power failure, maybe?
[DF:] Power Failure? What the f-? What're you...What am I paying you for? This is a session-
[MG:] You're paying me?
[DF:] Oh, right. This, this is a session! Yo, get it together!
[MG:] Wait, wait, got it. Pulled the cord out, sorry
[DF:] Pulled the cord out? That's what she said
Listen! This is...do you know who I am right now?!
I just did a verse! I'm Dane, this is Dane Fyffe right now, alright?
[MG:] Well you sound like Dane Cook...sorry
[DF:] Fuck. You
[Bridge]
This is a song about first world problems (My life)
And my first world problems (That's right)
I got first world problems
(This song is about nothing) Fuck it
[Verse 2]
My homeboy Bruce got hired at Whole Foods
Bitches love discounts, Italian rolls too
I said cool (yeah!), in like an hour I'll come through
We blasted Elton John in the aisle where they sell fruits
For the record: I'm not gay, just a sharp dresser
I'm at the pride parade eating finger food with Ellen
I'm kinda like the stepson of the Addams family
Plus I only fuck girls who look like Carol Channing
I could have mass appeal, have a deal, and a Grammy
But I'd rather rap about my foot fetish fantasies
Watch out, I'm getting sloppy head in coffee houses
Walking out with type 3 diabetes in my wiener schnauzer
Your coochie's a nightclub and it needs a bouncer
I'm usually type buzzed when I'm eatin' out, but
You got the attitude and body to match
So please excuse my manners while I palm on your rack
Oh, now you got a boyfriend? How awesome is that?
Well, you ugly anyway; reverse psychology tramp!
Yeah man, I got first world problems
I only fear the feds and broken condoms
Regardless, you know the kid's a motherfuckin' problem
(Can we get on with it?) Ahhh, fuck it
[Outro]
Paula Deen's got first world problems
Lance Armstrong, first world problems (laughs)
Who's got first world problems?
Yo, who's got (laughs)
Yo, it's crazy
I don't even know man
This is a song about first world problems
And my first world problems
I got first world problems
This song is about nothing. Fuck it
Really, though? Dane Cook?
