[Intro]
Uh, hello?
Oh, hey, you're probably here to see Frank, huh?
Who's Frank?
You'll see
Go ahead, take a seat
How's it going?
Good
Uh, quick question, though, where am I?
You're in The After
The After?
Yup, the great beyond
You're dead, my friend, you are dead
My name is Frank and while we finish up your paperwork, let's have your exit interview, shall we?
Uh, I'm really confused right now
That's okay, it'll all make sense soon
[Verse 1]
Welcome to The After, you're in another chapter
Take a seat, pal, while we look at your disasters
With laughter, we've captured every moment you've ever had
From the super glad to the very sad or the really bad
Like when you told lies to that broke guy
Asked if you had change, you said, "My hands are tied"
You slapped your thighs, said, "Sorry, sir, I just buy with credit cards
But I'll get you next time, so bye-bye"
[Interlude]
And then you pulled off in your Mercedes
But isn't that normal?
Yes, but, uh, normal doesn't necessarily mean right
So you're saying I'm supposed to give money to everybody who asks for it
You had forty bucks in your pocket
Ugh, how do you know all these things?
[Verse 2]
Do you remember when you were on the phone with grandpop?
Half-cocked, scrolling through the 'gram when you had to stop
Saw a girl in a loose crop
Started licking your lips like a kid in a candy shop
Now I'm not the cops, but your pops was trying to talk to you
And you were tuned out with family in front of you
That's not fair
You weren't there, your attention was broken
You were hopin' your gramps wouldn't notice
You were floating, but as he anecdoted
He laughed at his own joke
Asked what you thought, then your brain choked
(Isn't that right, son?)
You said, "Hey, could you repeat that?
My reception here is real bad"
Dude, that's so sad
[Interlude]
But doesn't it matter that I tried to be kind?
Eh
Like I've always tried to be a good person, ultimately
Doesn't that matter at all?
Did you try? You really tried? Like, you really, really, really tried?
I think so
[Verse 3]
Look here, kid, you got it mixed up
Thought you did a lot, but you didn't do enough
You tried your best, you just confessed
You made your nest, you like to rest
You puffed your chest like Adam West
Little Batman, run away from the robbin'
Might as well jump inside of your coffin
Come a-knockin', frankly, now we're talkin'
Shakin' things up like you're rockin' maracas
You put stock in your options, ride to the top
Won't stop 'til you drop this, pantomime's up
Try Mr. Nice Guy if the time's right
Then you'll do a good deed for a treat like a dog, ruff
[Outro]
So does that mean I'm going to Heaven or no?
That's a great question
Okay
We still got to process your paperwork
But before we decide where to place you, I'd like to give you an opportunity
I'm listening
Here in The After, we are all about truth
Now up north, anyone can watch anyone else's tapes
Down south, not so much
With full transparency on what happened in The Before, peace is brought to The After
Does that make sense?
I think so
Great, well, we have all of human history on tape right here
And, uh, just in case this is it for you, I'll let you sneak a peek
What do you wanna know?
Wow, I, I can see anything?
Yes, it's a big decision
Uh, okay, um
I wanna know
I want to know
Oh, I wanna know if my high school girlfriend cheated on me
You, you, what?
My high school girlfriend, I want to know if she cheated on me
Are you sure?
A hundred percent
Okay, let's pull up the tape
(The Before)
That was a test and you failed, you're going south
Ah, man
Staan?
Already on it
Come on, you're coming with me
W-w-wait, wait, wait, but did she cheat on me, though?
Still? You're going to Hell, man
I know, it's just been on my mind a lot
It's too late, dude, it's too late
Just take it easy when you see her down there, okay?
I knew it
Alright, come on, tough guy, we gotta get going
I know, god, that's so disappointing
Hey, just shoot me a text when we get another one, I have to pee real quick
(La-la-la-la)
