Having had a splendid dip in the pond, the Tortoise is just crawling out and shaking himself dry, when who but Achilles walks by.
Tortoise: Ho there, Achilles. I was just thinking of you as I splash around in the pond.
Achilles: Isn't that curious? I was just thinking of you, too, while I meandered through the meadows. They're so green at this time of year.
Tortoise: You think so? It reminds me of a thought I was hoping to share with you. Would you like to hear it?
Achilles: Oh, I would be delighted. That is, I would be delighted as long you're not going to try to snare me in one of your wicked traps of log Mr. T.
Tortoise: Wicked traps? Oh, you do me wrong. Would I do anything wicked? I'm a peaceful soul, bothering nobody and leading a gent; herbivorous life. And my thoughts merely drift among the oddities and quirks of how things are (as I see them). I, humble observer phenomena, plod along and puff my silly words into the air rather unspectacularly, I am afraid. But to reassure you about my intention
I was only planning to speak of my Tortoise-shell today, and as you know, those things have nothing-nothing whatsoever-to do with logic!
Achilles: Your words Do reassure me, Mr. T. And, in fact, my curiosity quite piqued. I would certainly like to listen to what you have to say even if it is unspectacular.
Tortoise: Let's see ... how shall I begin? Hmm ... What strikes you me about my shell, Achilles?
Achilles: It looks wonderfully clean!
Tortoise: Thank you. I just went swimming and washed off several layers of dirt which had accumulated last century. Now you can see ho green my shell is.
Achilles: Such a good healthy green shell, it's nice to see it shining in sun.
Tortoise: Green? It's not green.
Achilles: Well, didn't you just tell me Tortoise: I did.
Achilles: Then, we agree: it is green. Tortoise: No, it isn't green.
Achilles: Oh, I understand your game. You're hinting to me that what you say isn't necessarily true; that Tortoises play with language; that your statements and
reality don't necessarily match; that --
Tortoise: I certainly am not. Tortoises treat words as sacred. Tortoises revere accuracy.
Achilles: Well, then, why did you say that your shell is green, and that it is not green also?
Tortoise: I never said such a thing; but I wish I had. Achilles: You would have liked to say that?
Tortoise: Not a bit. I regret saying it, and disagree wholeheartedly with it.
Achilles: That certainly contradicts what you said before!
Tortoise: Contradicts? Contradicts? I never contradict myself, it's not part of tortoise nature.
Achilles: Well, I've caught you this time, you slippery fellow, you. Caught you in a full fledged contradiction.
Tortoise: Yes, I guess you did.
Achilles: There you go again! Now you're contradicting yourself more and more! You are so steeped in contradiction it's impossible to argue with you!
Tortoise: Not really. I argue with myself without any trouble at all. Perhaps the problem is with you. I would venture a guess that maybe you're the one who's contradictory, but you're so trapped in your own tangled web that you can't see how inconsistent you're being.
Achilles: What an insulting suggestion! I'm going to show you that you're the contradictory one, and there are no two ways about it.
Tortoise: Well, if it's so, your task ought to be cut out for you. What could be easier than to point out a contradiction? Go ahead-try it out.
Achilles: Hmm ... Now I hardly know where to begin. Oh ... I know. You first said that (1) your shell is green, and then you went on to say that (2) your shell is not green. What more can I say?
Tortoise: Just kindly point out the contradiction. Quit beating around the bush.
Achilles: But-but-but ... Oh, now I begin to see. (Sometimes I am so slow-witted!) It must be that you and I differ as to what constitutes a contradiction. That's the trouble. Well, let me make myself very clear: a contradiction occurs when somebody saysone thing and denies it at the same time.
Tortoise: A neat trick. I'd like to see it done. Probably ventriloquists would excel at contradictions, speaking out of both sides of their mouth, as it were. But I'm not a
ventriloquist.
Achilles: Well, what I actually meant is just that somebody can say one thing and deny it all within one single sentence! It doesn't literally have to be in the same instant.
Tortoise: Well, you didn't give ONE sentence. You gave TWO.
Achilles: Yes-two sentences that contradict each other!
Tortoise: I am sad to see the tangled structure of your thoughts becoming so exposed,Achilles. First you told me that a contradiction is some thing which occurs in a single sentence. Then you told me that you Found a contradiction in a pair of sentences I uttered. Frankly, it’s just as I said. Your own system of thought is so delusional that you manage to avoid seeing how inconsistent it is. From the outside, however plain as day.
Achilles: Sometimes I get so confused by your diversionary tactics tl can't quite tell if we're arguing about something utterly petty, or something deep and profound!
Tortoise: I assure you, Tortoises don't spend their time on the petty. Hence it's the latter.
Achilles: I am very reassured. Thank you. Now I have had a moment to reflect, and I see the necessary logical step to convince you that you contradicted yourself.
Tortoise: Good, good. I hope it's an easy step, an indisputable one.
Achilles: It certainly is. Even you will agree with it. The idea is that you believed sentence 1 ("My shell is green"), AND you believed sentence 2 ("My shell is not green"), you would believe one compound( sentence in which both were combined, wouldn't you?
Tortoise: Of course. It would only be reasonable ... providing just that the manner of combination is universally acceptable. But I'm sure we'll agree on that.
Achilles: Yes, and then I'll have you! The combination I propose is
Tortoise: But we must be careful in combining sentences. For instance you'd grant that "Politicians lie" is true, wouldn't you?
Achilles: Who could deny it?
Tortoise: Good. Likewise, "Cast-iron sinks" is a valid utterance, isn't it?
Achilles: Indubitably.
Tortoise: Then, putting them together, we get "Politicians lie in cast iron sinks". Now that's not the case, is it?
Achilles: Now wait a minute ... "Politicians lie in cast-iron sinks?" N no, but Tortoise: So, you see, combining two true sentences in one is not a policy, is it?
Achilles: But you-you combined the two-in such a silly way!
Tortoise: Silly? What have you got to object to in the way I combined them Would you have me do otherwise?
Achilles: You should have used the word "and", not "in".
Tortoise: I should have? You mean, if YOU'D had YOUR way, I should have;
Achilles: No-it's the LOGICAL thing to do. It's got nothing to do with personally
Tortoise: This is where you always lose me, when you resort to your L and it's high sounding principles. None of that for me today please.
Achilles: Oh, Mr. Tortoise, don't put me through all this agony. You k very well that that's what "and" means! It's harmless to combine true sentences with "and"!
Tortoise: "Harmless", my eye! What gall! This is certainly a pernicious plot to entrap a poor, innocent, bumbling Tortoise in a fatal contradiction. If it were so harmless, why would you be trying so bloody hard to get me to do it? Eh?
Achilles: You've left me speechless. You make me feel like a villain, where I really had only the most innocent of motivations.
Tortoise: That's what everyone believes of himself...
Achilles: Shame on me-trying to outwit you, to use words to ensnare you in a self contradiction. I feel so rotten.
Tortoise: And well you should. I know what you were trying to set up. Your plan was to make me accept sentence 3, to wit: "My shell is green and my shell is not green". And such a blatant falsehood is repellent to the Tongue of a Tortoise.
Achilles: Oh, I'm so sorry I started all this.
Tortoise: You needn't be sorry. My feelings aren't hurt. After all, I'm used to the unreasonable ways of the folk about me. I enjoy your company, Achilles, even if your thinking lacks clarity.
Achilles: Yes ... Well, I fear I am set in my ways, and will probably continue to err and err again, in my quest for Truth.
Tortoise: Today's exchange may have served a little to right your course. Good day, Achilles.
Achilles: Good day, Mr. T.
