[Intro: Villager #5]
I wake up in the morning, climb out of my bed
Stick my mustache to the front side of my head
Eat breakfast in the kitchen with my wife and kids
Except I don’t because I live alone
And over to the studio, to say “hello!”
‘Cause I’m the news anchor, gotta start the show
I’ve got a lot of work to fill my predecessor’s shoes
Before he died, he told me just which words to use:
BREAKING NEWS!
The army’s looking for people
To become part of a big hot air balloon
BREAKING NEWS!
Wait, the balloon project’s been cancеled
’Cause the last onе’s stuck orbiting the moon
BREAKING NEWS!
The project’s done, the moon has won
When the general was asked, he said “I want my mom”
BREAKING NEWS!
Well at least they’re all up there together
Now here’s Wooly with the weather
[Weather: Villager #5, Wooly]
Hey Wooly, how’s the weather today?
Go away.
Are you sure it’s not going to rain?
Go away.
Our viewers just need to attain if it’s going to rain
As we both know the weather is your domain
No, it isn’t.
But look at all these people that have to remain
Unaware of any drizzle, mist, or HURRICANE!
What? You think they’ll look out their window panes?
And how would it affect all the farmer’s grain?
Uh…
We really need a sheep here with a functioning brain
‘Cause our backup weather sheep finds it hard to explain ㅤ
It’s causing some villagers to call and complain
With things like “I’m sorry, could you say that again?”
I don’t work for you.
Just read the weather!
No. Go away.
Thanks, Wooly, good to have you around
Now onto a section called “What’ve U Found?”
Where the citizens show what they have uncovered
Here are the judges, and here are the buzzers
[What’ve U Found: Judge 1, Judge 2, Contestants]
Ok, number one, what have you got for me?
I nearly died getting to this heart of the sea
It’s not really my cup of tea
I agree, let’s release the angry bees
What?
Alright, number two, well what have you got there?
Oh, I found this comfy chair!
Doesn’t he know that’s just some stairs?
Way too hard on our derrières
Okay, number three, this better be slick
Oh, uh, I found this stick
[Beautiful Stick: Judge 1, Judge 2, both, Villager #5]
What a beautiful stick
What a beautiful stick
I’ve seen nothing quite like it
What about this one here?
What about what one where?
Gosh, that stick is delightful
What a beautiful stick (what a beautiful stick)
Beautiful stick
Release the bees
[Unfolding Events: Villager #5]
Well that was fun, but back to reading the news!
With an anchor this handsome, how could you refuse?
Wait, I’m being told about unfolding events!
The facts of which I’ll try to condense
BREAKING NEWS!
A citizen has been accused today
Of enacting nefarious deeds
BREAKING NEWS!
There were many chests in his house
Filled to the top with melon seeds
BREAKING NEWS!
He’s on the run, the search is on
Everyone believes what he’s done is wrong
BREAKING NEWS!
But we need to get the facts aligned
So here’s Villager #9!
[Seed Opinions: Villager #9, Other Villager(s), Seed Enjoyer]
The perp is gone and we have no leads
He had 17,000 seeds
Do you know how many mouths that feeds?
Who needs so many seeds?
Who needs so many seeds?
Is this really something to condemn?
Oh, I see, you're one of them! (Get him!)
Ah! Wait, don't I get a lawyer?
I'm just a simple seed enjoyer
It's getting kind of dicey over there in the square
There are polarized opinions in the air about the seeds
Why where they left for us to find?
But time's run out now, back to you, from #9
[Outro: Villager #5, Other Villager, #5 & News Team]
Thanks number #9, there's a detective on the case
He'll look at all the facts directly in the face (face)
He'll find the perp, he's a crime solving ace
But his last investigation ended in disgrace
But that's for next time, we've run out of queues
That's it for this edition of VILLAGER NEWS!
The outro starts playing so I make my way home
The town's so alive but I feel so.. alone
I could have had it all, even a child to mentor
But you can't have it all when you're a news presenter
To wear the mustache means sacrifice
But spending time with Timmy would have been nice
Back in my home, back in my bed
Current events run around my head
To me the headlines are a symphony
So I'll keep reading the news, for Timmy
I miss you son
(breaking news, breaking news)
