Lyrks
Lyrks
Lyrks
Cover Art

Andrew’s Christmas Poem [No Good for Christmas] Lyrics by Episode One

Christmas poems

2021

I'm not afraid to say it, that on Christmas day
I'll be going away to a place without snow
I'm no good at gifts or Christmastime riffs
And I'll never be kissed under the mistletoe
Yeah, sorry to the big man, I have no cookies for you
I have no milk and no treats or new Santa shoes
I'm not an Elf on the Shelf or Christmas tree angel
I'd probably die if I slept in a manger
I can't cook a goose and I can't wrap a present
I can't make a cake or a Christmastime pheasant
Forget a snowman, I can't make a snowball
I won't sit on Old Nick's lap at Christmastime mall
I can't figure skate or make a figure eight
I can't decorate for I just am not tall
I can't go caroling or sing your holiday songs
I can't mеrrily smoke your Grinch-colored bongs
I can't show you how to shoot a reindeer with a riflе
I can't say happy new year on a tower of Eiffel
I can't eat gumdrops cause' they're too spicy
I can't eat wedges of Christmas cheese because they're too micey
I don't know what it's like to stuff someone's stocking
I know that I'm the Christmas fool you're all mocking
So I guess I'll just fucking die in a frozen river
You all want this to happen cause' I'm such a shit gift-giver
I'm laying on my roof hoping Santa runs me over with his sleigh
And all those cool reindeer with names will make my life go away
Their hooves will stomp on my heart and my ass
Destroy my twig and my berries and my ribs will be mashed
They'll find my teeth scattered about the snow
And I'll be left for dead, and no one will know
And I wish everyone would be sad that I'm gone!
But I'm just shit at all this that can't fix my wrongs
So I'm just really sad that nobody cares
That I'm no good at Christmas and I have frozen tears
But I'm not saying what I wanted to say
That you're all my best friends on Christmas day
And even when I'm sad I could just build a fire
So we can all be warm and sit by the fire
And drink hot chocolate with little marshmallows
And riff on Christmas with all my good fellows
That stuff I said earlier was just a joke
Cause' Christmastime is a season bespoke
For those who love to feel good and basically dope
So merry Christmas to all, let's make it one that can't be topped
We're such amazing podcasters and we cannot be stopped!
Credits
Episode One

Episode One

About “Andrew’s Christmas Poem [No Good for Christmas]” by Episode One

Read the complete lyrics to "Andrew’s Christmas Poem [No Good for Christmas]" by Episode One from the album "Christmas poems" in 2021. On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Non-Music.

"Andrew’s Christmas Poem [No Good for Christmas]" is performed by Episode One. from the album "Christmas poems" in 2021 This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Andrew’s Christmas Poem [No Good for Christmas]", explore more songs by Episode One using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

View all songs and biography for Episode One · Trending lyrics · Billboard Hot 100

Frequently asked questions

"Andrew’s Christmas Poem [No Good for Christmas]" is credited to Episode One. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Andrew’s Christmas Poem [No Good for Christmas]" appears on "Christmas poems" in 2021.

Visit the Episode One artist page at /artist/episode-one for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.