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Christmas Cigar Lyrics by Fantasy Unit

A Very Christmas Thing

2024

When I was ten and the holidays approached
Only one thing would bring me good cheer
Dreamt about it in class, it's a miracle I passed
I was thinking 'bout it all year
Told all my friends, all I got was reproach
They were asking for shiny toy cars
Went to the mall and sat on Santa's lap and said
"I'm ten, and I want a cigar"
Santa said, "Kid, what the hell do you need a cigar for?"
And I said, "For smoking"
"What else would you do with a cigar you dummy dumb ass?"
And so he kicked me out the mall
Waited outside to talk it over with the man
He didn't understand I would look cool
Just a school kid, ten years old, smoking a cigar
Oh, yeah, that would freaking rule
And then he walked out
Beneath the soft glow of Christmas lights
I saw him light up a cigarette
Childhood haze lifted from me
I'd realized the error of my ways
When I figured out
He was hoarding all that good shit for himself
Now I'm forty-five years old
And I've tracked down the guy that played Santa
He's seventy-eight years old
My therapist said I should try and let go of the past
But tonight I'm gonna kick Santa's ass
"You cost me my cigar when I was ten years old," I cried
When I busted down his door
He said, "Son, you've got it all wrong"
Didn't realize he was distracting me
But he was distracting me from his right hand
That was going towards the cupboard
To all those ten-year-olds with a Santa vendetta
And a hankering for cigars
Do not follow my ways 'cause he shot me
Credits
Fantasy Unit

Fantasy Unit

About “Christmas Cigar” by Fantasy Unit

Read the complete lyrics to "Christmas Cigar" by Fantasy Unit from the album "A Very Christmas Thing" in 2024. On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Pop.

"Christmas Cigar" is performed by Fantasy Unit. from the album "A Very Christmas Thing" in 2024 This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Christmas Cigar", explore more songs by Fantasy Unit using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"Christmas Cigar" is credited to Fantasy Unit. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Christmas Cigar" appears on "A Very Christmas Thing" in 2024.

Visit the Fantasy Unit artist page at /artist/fantasy-unit for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.