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Last Will And Temperament Lyrics by Frantics

Frantic Times

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LAWYER: As the executor of Mr. Muldoon's estate, I have been empowered to read Mr. Muldoon's Last Will and Testament
HEDGE: Well, get on with it, the bars open soon
JENNY: Oh, poor Arthur! Waah!
HANK: There, there Jenny!
RALSTON: God, how predictably boring
MRS. MULROY: I never worked for a kinder man
LAWYER: If we are all seated, I shall proceed with the reading...
RALSTON: I knew it
HEDGE: Hah, hah, hah, hah
LAWYER: I, Arthur Durham Muldoon, being of sound mind and body --
HEDGE: That's a laugh! Hah, hah, hah, hah...
LAWYER: -- do hereby divide up my considerable estate as follows: To my overly emotional sister Jenny --
JENNY: Waahh!
HANK: Jenny, darling, he's talking about us
JENNY: Oh
LAWYER: -- who grubbed with her husband Hank, grubbed for everything they could get from me and then cried crocodile tears when I needed sympathy --
JENNY: What?
LAWYER: -- to Jenny I leave...a boot to the head
JENNY: A what? (THUMP!) Ow!
HANK: Jenny, are you okay?
LAWYER: And another boot to her wimpy husband Hank
HANK: (THUMP!) Ow!
LAWYER: Ah, but still, you are my sister. You have both admired my Rolls Royce, and since I no longer need it --
JENNY: Oh, dear Arthur, he's too kind!
LAWYER: -- I bequeath another boot to the head
JENNY: What? (THUMP!) Ow!
HEDGE: Hah, hah, hah, hah!
LAWYER: And another one for the wimp
HANK: (THUMP!) Ow!
LAWYER: Next, to my alcoholic brother --
HEDGE: Hey, I don't want no boot to the head
LAWYER: -- to dear Hedge, who has never worked a day in his drunken life --
HEDGE: I'm covering up my head!
LAWYER: -- I leave my wine cellar and three crates of my finest whiskey
HEDGE: Really?
LAWYER: And a boot to the head
HEDGE: (THUMP!) Oh!
LAWYER: And another for Jenny and the wimp
JENNY: (THUMP!) Uh!
HANK: (THUMP!) Ow!
LAWYER: Next, to my know-it-all nephew, Ralston --
RALSTON: This is so predictable
LAWYER: I leave a boot to the head
RALSTON: (THUMP!) Uh! I knew it
LAWYER: And one for Jenny and the wimp
JENNY: (THUMP!) Ow!
HANK: (THUMP!) Oh!
LAWYER: This takes care of family obligations
And now, to Mrs. Mulroy --
MRS. MULROY: Oh, uh, I don't want nuthin'
LAWYER: -- who took care of me faithfully these many many years, who cared, made me laugh, brought me tea --
MRS. MULROY: Oh, I didn't mind
LAWYER: To Mrs. Mulroy, I bequeath... a boot to the head
MRS. MULROY: (THUMP!) Oh!
LAWYER: And one for Jenny and the wimp
JENNY: (THUMP!) Ah!
HANK: (THUMP!) Oh!
LAWYER: And so, to my cat Mittens, I leave my entire vast... boot to the head!
MITTENS: (THUMP!) Meoooow!
LAWYER: And finally, to my lawyer, who has helped me on this will, I leave not a boot to the head, but a rabid Tasmanian Devil, TO BE PLACED IN HIS TROUSERS???
(growling...) Uhh! Huh! Huh! Huh! (panicking...) And, and, and
I leave my entire estate of $10,000,000 to the people of Calgary so they can afford to move somewhere decent!!!
HANK: Is that it?
RALSTON: That's it?
HEDGE: That's disgraceful
LAWYER: There's one last thing for everyone
HEDGE: Cover your heads, everybody!
LAWYER: I leave everyone a lifetime supply of ice cream
HANK: Ice cream?
HEDGE: Ice cream?
RALSTON: Ice cream, that's all?
LAWYER: That's all
MRS. MULROY: But what flavor is it?
LAWYER: Boot to the head!
(THUMP!) (THUMP!) (THUMP!) (THUMP!) (THUMP!)
Credits
Frantics

Frantics

About “Last Will And Temperament” by Frantics

Read the complete lyrics to "Last Will And Temperament" by Frantics from the album "Frantic Times". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Pop.

"Last Will And Temperament" is performed by Frantics. from the album "Frantic Times" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Last Will And Temperament", explore more songs by Frantics using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"Last Will And Temperament" is credited to Frantics. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Last Will And Temperament" appears on "Frantic Times".

Visit the Frantics artist page at /artist/frantics for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.