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Frozen Lullaby Lyrics by Garfunkel & Oates

Secretions

2015

[Intro]
"Mommy, where do babies come from?"
"It's pretty simple, actually..."
[Verse 1]
When a man doesn’t love a woman very, very much
He signs away his paternal rights and jizzes in a cup
Then with lots of money and scientific genius
Hormones, pain, and of course, um… Jesus
The process begins the way God intended
With a transvaginal ultrasound
With a wand longer than a ukulele
When it comes out of my body, it makes this sound (pop)
I give myself daily intradermal injections
An acute blood thinner and estrogen concurrence
Cryopreservation through hormonal activation
And none of it’s covered by insurance
Then I’m knocked out, then you’re removed
And combined with a stranger’s cum
And as the saying goes
You win some, you lose some
(You dispose of the defective ones in a hazardous waste bin)
And then you’re frozen until I’m certain
It’s time to unthaw you into a person
Then you’ll expire or you’ll make the grade
And that, my darling, that’s how babies are made
(It’s so easy and natural)
[Chorus 1]
Hush, little egg-baby, don’t say a word
Mama’s gonna freeze you 'til she gets rich
And when that day finally arrives
You’ll be constructed in a petri dish
With sperm donor 8W6-3
The silent partner of our family
So hush little egg-baby, don’t be sad
Just because I never fucked your dad
[Verse 2]
I know there are orphans everywhere
But I’m going to pretend that isn’t real
Don’t look at me like that just 'cause I admit it
You had kids and you knew the deal
Yeah, I feel guilty about overpopulation
And ruining the environment for forever
But Osama bin Laden had 20 kids
So fuck you, or whatever
Sadly, procreation is not a meritocracy
And we need to prevent a real life Idiocracy
Though it may be the ultimate form of narcissism
It’s also a way to re-reverse reverse Darwinism
I want all the stuff, I don’t need to make a bucket list
It doesn’t make me greedy, it just makes me a feminist
Now I’m thinking back through all the guys I’ve dated
If they heard this song, they’d fucking hate it
(It's so easy and natural)
[Chorus 2]
Hush, little egg-baby, don’t you cry
You’ll have the best genes mommy can buy
I don’t want to wait 'til I get in dire straights
My friends say if I want kids I should go out on some dates
But these working bitches don’t have time to leave it to the fates
The world deserves more Rikis and the world deserves more Kates
So hush little egg-baby, dads are overrated
He did what mattered when he masturbated
[Outro]
Hush, little egg-baby, just hold firm
Mama’s gonna buy you designer sperm
And if that sperm gives you random traits
Mama’s gonna test your DNA
And if your DNA doesn’t make things clear
Mama’s gonna just have to live in fear
And if that fear turns into guilt
Mama’s gonna hold on to what we've built
And if I hold too tight as to suffocate
I’ll buy you lots of things to overcompensate
And if that overcompensation’s too transparent
I’ll pretend it’s somehow better with no male parent
And if you say "But Mom, who’s my dad?"
I’ll say "I don’t know" and it’s just too bad
And if that badness forms a hole in your heart
I’ll want to make it up to you but won’t know where to start
I’ll probably start by saying it’s just you and me
And there’s no such thing as a normal family
So fuck being normal, let’s do this shit
Mama’s gonna freeze you 'til she gets rich
Credits
Garfunkel & Oates

Garfunkel & Oates

About “Frozen Lullaby” by Garfunkel & Oates

Read the complete lyrics to "Frozen Lullaby" by Garfunkel & Oates from the album "Secretions" in 2015. On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Rock.

"Frozen Lullaby" is performed by Garfunkel & Oates. from the album "Secretions" in 2015 This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Frozen Lullaby", explore more songs by Garfunkel & Oates using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"Frozen Lullaby" is credited to Garfunkel & Oates. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Frozen Lullaby" appears on "Secretions" in 2015.

Visit the Garfunkel & Oates artist page at /artist/garfunkel-and-oates for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.