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Laws of the Administration Lyrics by Groucho Marx

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[MRS. TEASDALE]
For our information
Just for our illustration
Tell us how you intend to run the nation
[FIREFLY]
These are the laws of my administration:
No one's allowed to smoke
Or tell a dirty joke
And whistling is forbidden
[DIPLOMATS]
We're not allowed to tell a dirty joke
Hail, hail Freedonia
[FIREFLY]
If chewing gum is chewed
The chewer is pursued
And in the hoosegow hidden
[DIPLOMATS]
If we choose to chew we'll be pursued
[FIREFLY]
If any form of pleasure is exhibited
Report to me, and it will be prohibited
I'll put my foot down, so shall it be
This is the land of the free
The last man nearly ruined this place
He didn't know what to do with it
If you think this country's bad off now
Just wait till I get through with it
The country's taxes must be fixed
And I know what to do with it
If you think you're paying too much now
Just wait till I get through with it
(instrumental break)
I will not stand for anything that's crooked or unfair
I'm simply on the up and up, so everyone beware
If anyone's caught taking graft and I don't get my share
We stand him up against the wall and pop goes the weasel
Ah!
[DIPLOMATS]
So everyone beware
Who's crooked or unfair
If anyone's caught taking graft unless he gets his share
[FIREFLY]
If any man should come between a husband and his bride
We find our which one she prefers by letting her decide
If she prefers the other man, the husband steps outside
We stand him up against the wall and pop goes the weasel
Ah!
[DIPLOMATS]
The husband steps outside
Relinquishes his bride
They stand him up against the wall and take him for a ride
Credits
Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx

About “Laws of the Administration” by Groucho Marx

Read the complete lyrics to "Laws of the Administration" by Groucho Marx. On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Pop.

"Laws of the Administration" is performed by Groucho Marx. This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Laws of the Administration", explore more songs by Groucho Marx using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"Laws of the Administration" is credited to Groucho Marx. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

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Visit the Groucho Marx artist page at /artist/groucho-marx for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.