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Albert Hammond Bootleg Lyrics by Half Man Half Biscuit

Back in the D.H.S.S. / The Trumpton Riots E.P.

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Dragging my guitar round maternity ward
I was in search of the umbilical chord
But it was all in vain so I jumped on a train
And when I reached my home the kids were on the patio
Looking quite upset, so I asked them what was wrong
And they said: "Beware, there's an Albert Hammond bootleg in the house in there
An Albert Hammond bootleg in the house
Some man who introduced himself as Stanley Rous came in
And left this Albert Hammond bootleg in the house"

Talking to a girl on the south coast of France
She was on an 18-30 but I still took a chance
But on the last night 'neath the stars of Marseilles
She said that Robin Askwith was funny

Oh god how I longed for a dangerous wave
So I could surf myself towards an early grave
I would rather talk to plankton than to dance with you
I hope your plane back home's a DC10

Oh god how I longed for a dangerous wave
So I could surf myself towards an early grave
I would rather talk to plankton than to dance with you
I hope your plane back home's a DC10

Oh-oh-oh oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh oh-oh really

Out of pure curiosity I dug up Logie Baird
And I asked him what petrified forests see
To make them all so scared

About “Albert Hammond Bootleg” by Half Man Half Biscuit

Read the complete lyrics to "Albert Hammond Bootleg" by Half Man Half Biscuit from the album "Back in the D.H.S.S. / The Trumpton Riots E.P.". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Pop.

"Albert Hammond Bootleg" is performed by Half Man Half Biscuit. from the album "Back in the D.H.S.S. / The Trumpton Riots E.P." This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Albert Hammond Bootleg", explore more songs by Half Man Half Biscuit using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

View all songs and biography for Half Man Half Biscuit · Trending lyrics · Billboard Hot 100

Frequently asked questions

"Albert Hammond Bootleg" is credited to Half Man Half Biscuit. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Albert Hammond Bootleg" appears on "Back in the D.H.S.S. / The Trumpton Riots E.P.".

Visit the Half Man Half Biscuit artist page at /artist/half-man-half-biscuit for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.


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