Family don't take me serious
Friends look at me like I'm delirious
When I start talking dreams & visions
They ain't even curious
Wish I was more like my moms
Who don't give a fuck about other's qualms
About what she doing, (Nah) She just keep it moving
Or more like my dad
Who would be hacking in the cab
When he was chasing 'at cash
Never knew when he was coming back
Least he ain't have a boss
He was his own driver
Ain't suck up to nobody or
Grovel to supervisors
Or more like my brother
Who's self motivated
Highly disciplined &
Highly educated
I'm none of these things
Sometimes I fucking hate it
The only thing that I got is that
I'm highly creative
I over-analyze
Ask "whys" til I can't take it
Think of easy fixes, cuz I'm
Too damn complacent
Too lazy to develop all these
Talents in me latent
I swear I'm sick of waitin
Feel like my soul is breakin
Always felt that, by 33 years old, I would've made it
Not rich, so frustration is
Steady mounting, Appalachian
I'm proud to be a Peyton but I feel abandoned, vacant, Cuz I
Feel they don't believe in me like atheists to God & Satan
They don't give me validation
It's just day after day and
"Hey, hi. How u doin?"- &
Ain't a damn thing changing
Maybe I'm the only one aching
Who feels some kinda way and
Everything is just dandy with
All the other Peytons, but we'on own real land, real livestock, patents
Minerals or a lake &
No government or
Bu-si-ness that's, like, wholly self-sustaining
&, as far as I know
No plans to obtain it
'S like we
In the wilderness
Just wonderin & aimless
So I have dreams of a future
Where we work as a unit to pursue the
Peytonian dream, & not have to worry about things
Live the way we choose & not according to other's schemes
Cuz dem ova nigga's plans
Done had us steadily gettin reamed
The caged bird sings
But, now, he's all choked up
It's 'bout to be dead silence &
Ppl all broken up
If the only reason I'm living
Is just to make a fuckin pup
Then I'd rather say fuck it
Move on & get the fuck
Too lazy to be a doer
A shaker, a mover
Too scared for others
To rely on my thinkin
Never was good at chess
Or, really
Any type 'a gaming
So where does that leave me?
Cuz it seems I'm good for Nathan
Nothin left but to act a fool
Maybe I'll be good at entertaining
So here I go, geronimo
Hope someone is touched by my statements
& not just touched, but value it enough to cough up payment
Cuz I can't eat well wishes
Despite how good it might be tasting
And, Lord knows that I
Can't pay this rent with congratulations
And a pat on the back don't stack like dem bricks on the pavement
I guess it won't be 'til a caucasian cosign me
That niggas pay attention then rush the stores to find me
But I was the same nigga
W/o the white man behind me, &
It'll be fucked up if they value me more than my own kind
Which, at present, they do
Since they pay me for my time
& it's sad I'm so dependent
On the white man's dime
& I try to reinvest it back in a black man's grind, but it's tough when
Quality's shoddy & niggas be on some grime
But I guess that's no reason for a nigga to stop tryin
How else crabs escape da barrel
Except by constant climbin?
I feel like life's about miming
Following the same routine
Expecting something different
But doing the same, ole thing
I swear, to me, that's such an insane scheme
But, if I do something different
Then I'm insane, deemed
Ostricized, demonized & then
Kicked off the team
Cuz I ain't play the game
As childish as it seems
It's time to grow up but, boy, it's tough getting weaned
I see why mahfuckas
Stay sipping on dat lean
Nigga's still sipping Kool-Aid, but now it's wit Promenthezene
Niggas still crawlin' to the church for shelter from all the wild things
It's easy to say that God lives outside of OUR being
Like we ain't responsible for minding OUR thing
I'm bout to be like Kanye
And be on that Power thing
Cuz nobody pays attention to that Peace and Flower thing
I'm so serious, this year, I'm stepping off that coward thing
These the last 24's
I'm doin that Jack Bauer thing
I'm bout to talk to J-hova
Be on my Watchtower thing
Report back what he said
Be on my Matt Lauer thing
It's such a bitter pill
Such sweet & sour thing
Gotta start sowing seeds
'fore u can start plowing things!
