Hook:
(Yeah) I am a mess, I am not perfect, I'm here to confess
(I'm here to confess)
I was secretly depressed and not only cause my daddy left
(My daddy left) My heart was broken twice
Both of them girls ripped it out of my chest
(Ripped it out of my chest) And now all these demons attacking
It seems like they never give me rest (never give me rest)
Bridge:
I try to make sense of it all, but some of it's way too complex
(Way too complex) I'm tired of hurting, it's hard to express
I feel my life's a wreck (feel it's a wreck)
So I fall to my knees and I pray to the Lord
Is this really a test? (Is this really a test?)
He told me that everything I've been through is a refining process
(Yeah)
Verse 1:
(Yeah) I was just six when my daddy left
I had no clue what was going on
I woke up one morning and he was gone
Why would he leave us? Man, I was confused (yeah)
People keep asking me questions, but I'm really not in the mood
Then out of nowhere, these people took me from my mama
I remember me and both of my sisters had to move (what?)
Yeah, I barely got to see my mama
I lived with people that I didn't know (yeah)
See, I was broken and scared to death
Wondering why my daddy never showed (he didn't)
Going from home to home with my two sisters
Then suddenly they split us up (yeah)
I was confused, had no clue what to do
See my family was ripped apart in just a matter of months (for real)
(Yeah) It's hard coping with the emotions, I just felt like giving up
(Yeah) Even today it still haunts me
The thoughts in my head of him not even missing us (for real)
(Yeah) Growing up dealing was that was the hardest
Trying to keep up my guard in the darkness
Making me noxious 'cause I still got skeletons in my closet (yeah)
I wrote a song to my dad, forgiving him for what he done (I did)
But forgiving doesn't mean I want him back in my life
In his eyes, I'm not his son (nah)
I had to accept it, I learned a lot of lessons
Like all my messes had a message (yeah)
I finally realized that God was refining me
Still I was always protected (yeah)
Verse 2:
Looking back all through my life
I've realized I gave up my heart only twice (for real)
Both of those times, I ended up hurt
I regret I forgot about Christ (yeah)
Yeah, I tried to cope with all the pain by myself
But it never seemed to work (nah)
Instead I was laying in bed every single night
Trying to fight all the hurt (that's real)
They promised they would never hurt me
I was dumb enough to believe it
They ended up leaving, deceiving me
I was left all alone trying to find out the reasoning (yeah)
Man, what do I do? I was so confused, It messed up my views
Now I look at people differently, you can call it an epiphany
Wanna be in my life? Show me the proof
In other words, if you don't wanna be in it
I'm not losing anymore sleep
Tired of fighting to keep people in my life
Who decide they wanna leave (yeah)
I hardened my heart
And that opened a door for the demons to creep
They kept beating me until I couldn't stand up
Then all of a sudden Christ brought me back to my feet (for real)
He showed me that everything really happens for a reason
The pain and the hurt only last for a season
The demons are weakened when Christ shows you freedom
(That's real) Yeah, every mess becomes a message
Every testimony's created by a test (yeah)
So when that fire hits you
Just know that you're going through a refining process
Written By: James Robert Ford (J Knockz)
Album: Refining Process
Release Date: November 6, 2018
© 2018 J Knockz Music
