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A Certain Celebrity Lyrics by Jay Foreman

Offal

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If you put a gun to my head
And make me pick a celebrity
Please hear me when I sing
I know it's a horrible thing
To wish on anybody
But if I had to pick one
Out of every celebrity
Well, having paused and reflected
I’m sure you'd have selected
The same one as me
I remember what I thought of her this time last year
And I feel that way still
Don't tell me you had any sympathy for her
Before she was ill
With a hand on my heart
It’s a tragic thing to occur
But if somebody's capers
Are removed from the papers
I'm glad it was her
This time next month or next year
I'll still recoil at her name
The basic role she fulfils
And her parenting skills
Will be mostly the same
Mark my words, when she finally goes
There'll be only words of praise
She'll be "simple and brave" instead of stupid and racist
For several days
I know it sounds cruel but I challenge
Any one of you to admit
That when you heard the news, you didn't hold back a smile
Even just a little bit
Credits
Jay Foreman

Jay Foreman

About “A Certain Celebrity” by Jay Foreman

Read the complete lyrics to "A Certain Celebrity" by Jay Foreman from the album "Offal". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Pop.

"A Certain Celebrity" is performed by Jay Foreman. from the album "Offal" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "A Certain Celebrity", explore more songs by Jay Foreman using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"A Certain Celebrity" is credited to Jay Foreman. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"A Certain Celebrity" appears on "Offal".

Visit the Jay Foreman artist page at /artist/jay-foreman for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.