I'm still not sure what caused it
I'm addicted to it like a fucking alcoholic
Always hurting, never working, speaking lots of nonsense
Swimming upstream of conscious, I got nothing
And this whole time I've been building up these walls
I don't even know if they're about to fall
Or stand tall
I gotta play it like Gambino, I've awaken
But hurt and mistaken for words that lack patience
I'm a mess ever since the past tense
I lost all hope, all love and my friends
I hope one day, me and my heart can make amends
Rather than pushing and tugging for each side of the bed
Girl, I'm fucked up in the head
I don't know who I'm talking to but as I fucking write this shit
I hope someone is walking through
The open door and cleans up all the residue
I know that day will never come so I gotta fucking
Stand up for myself
Been feeling polar opposite to everyday's fanatics
I'm sick of all the gossip shit
I'm sick of all the voices and I'm sick of making choices
I wanna love again!
But I've fallen and I've broken all my bones in the cement
No one needs to fucking know
No one needs to see you vent into another episode but I do this
Let me tell you how I feel
I've been hurted and deserted and I feel like nothing's real
I spent a whole fucking year just letting myself go
But these people cannot phase me, I'm the strongest of them all
I will never fucking fall from these castles that I've built
And I never fall asleep! Every night I'm filled with guilt, it's unnecessary
I don't deserve these tribulations and I sit against a window once covered in condensation, motivation is gone
So correct me if I'm wrong but I'm singing this song
Until I die, until I'm gone, I
Feel so broken, words became unspoken
Lost memories got to me, I started choking, because-
And I'm reminded of my father every single day
I love the man but we never used to go out and play
Outside didn't get to ride a single wave
But love is possible! I'm always trying to escape
'cause I'm afraid of being hurt and left for better days
I feel like I give so much and never get back
I know I've said this shit before man I gotta get
Back to the moment
But these moments just repeat
I may be hurt but I'll never admit defeat
I may shut off the world along with everything
In order to feel comfortable in my own skin
But I urge everybody to find the love within
'cause no matter what, I'ma always fucking give
Even if I'm spit at and treated like fucking shit
Even if I have to take the punches and the hits
Even if the pain hurts so much I start to bleed
Even if everyone in my life decides to leave
If all my fears start swatting to the door
Nothing the world hasn't chucked at me before
We're all people who hurt, we all want more
Everybody lives loves and comes out sore
But nah fuck that! I ain't even been through shit!
I saw a rainbow while waiting for my chariot
Mounted against the sun, it was nearly a double
I'm sorry to anybody I've caused any trouble
And to the people who may or may not have hurt this
Broken spirit waiting for his chariot
I hope we change the script and start a new beginning
I'm fucked up but I'll love whoever's lose or winning
There's a divide in the people who don't know how to speak
And the people who spread hate from cheek to cheek
I feel like our generation's caught up in a belt
Choked in cold fear as the ice caps melt
I'll be the first to spread the emotions of myself
The love, the obsession and just about anything else
Hopefully one day we can get away from the trauma
But there's people there for all of us so right now I'ma
Dedicate my whole fucking life to my mama
For being there when no one else was
