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Ferris Bueller’s Day Off - How to Fake Out Parents and Avoid School Lyrics by John Hughes

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INT. BEDROOM
FERRIS
Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second.
Ferris yanks open the drapes. The pall of the sickroom disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight.
FERRIS (CONT'D)
How could I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this?
He turns from the window. He flips on his stereo and fills the room with the MTV broadcast. A NEW SONG begins. He equalizes the sound a little.
FERRIS (CONT'D)
This is my ninth sick day this semester. It’s getting pretty tough coming up with new illnesses. If I go for ten, I'm probably going to have to barf up a lung, so I better make this one count.
Ferris sits on his bed.
FERRIS (CONT'D)
The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good, non-specific symptom. I’m a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock. But, uh, you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor's office. That's worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.
INT. HALLWAY
Ferris walks through from his bedroom through the hallway...
FERRIS
Life moves pretty fast.
INT. BATHROOM
...And into the bathroom.
FERRIS
If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
He turns on the shower water.
FERRIS (CONT'D)
I do have a test today; that wasn't bullshit.
He bends down OUT OF FRAME as he loses his briefs.
INT. BATHROOM - SHOWER STALL
FERRIS
It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who gives a crap if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists. It still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car.
Ferris, who has fashioned his hair into a mohawk, sings "Danke Schoen" into the shower head.
FERRIS (CONT'D)
(singing)
"I recall, Central Park in fall
How you tore your dress
What a mess, I confess"
He moves his hand to block the camera as he cleans his private areas.
INT. HALLWAY
Ferris walks through the hallway with a towel wrapped around both his waist and his head.
FERRIS
Not that I condone fascism. Or any "ism", for that matter. "Isms", in my opinion, are not good. A person should not believe in an "ism". He should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: "I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me." A good point there. After all, he was the Walrus. I could be the Walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off of people.
Credits
John Hughes

John Hughes

About “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off - How to Fake Out Parents and Avoid School” by John Hughes

Read the complete lyrics to "Ferris Bueller’s Day Off - How to Fake Out Parents and Avoid School" by John Hughes. On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Non-Music, Literature, Comedy.

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