[BILLY and PENNY are sitting on top of the laundry machines eating frozen yogurt.]
[BILLY]
I just, you know, really think I'm qualified for this job, and, I just can't get my foot in the door.
[PENNY]
I'm sure you will.
[BILLY]
I wanna do great things, you know? I wanna be an achiever, like Bad Horse.
[PENNY]
The Thoroughbred of Sin?
[BILLY]
I meant Gandhi.
[PENNY]
Well, I've gotten turned down from plenty of jobs. Even fired a few times.
[BILLY]
I can't imagine anybody firing you.
[PENNY]
Neither could I. Now I can visualize it really well. But you know, everything happens...
[BILLY (interrupting)]
Don't say for a reason.
[PENNY]
No, I'm just saying that, everything happens.
[BILLY]
Not to me.
"Penny's Song"[PENNY]
Here's a story of a girl
Who grew up lost and lonely
Thinking love was fairy tale
And trouble was made only for me
Even in the darkness every color can be found
And every day of rain brings water flowing
To things growing in the ground
Grief replaced with pity
For a city barely coping
Dreams are easy to achieve
If hope is all I'm hoping to be
Anytime you're hurt there's one who has it worse around
And every drop of rain will keep you growing
Seeds you're sowing in the ground
So keep your head up, Billy buddy
[By this point, BILLY and PENNY are both seated on the bench. They go for a kiss, but then PENNY decides against it.]
[PENNY]
It's like Captain Hammer's always saying.
[BILLY]
Pssh, right. Him. How are things with Cheesy-On-The-Outside?
[PENNY]
Good. They’re good. He's nice. I'll be interested to know what you think of him; he said he might stop by.
[BILLY]
Stop by here?
[PENNY]
Yeah.
[BILLY]
Oh, goodness, look at my... wrist. I gotta go.
[PENNY]
But, but what about your clothes?
[BILLY (looking inside the washer)]
I don't love these. See ya!
[BILLY turns around and runs into CAPTAIN HAMMER, who has just walked in the door.]
[HAMMER]
Oh! Pardon.
[BILLY]
Pardon.
[PENNY]
Um, Billy, this is Captain Hammer.
[HAMMER]
Ah! Billy, the laundry buddy. Well, it is very nice to meet you.
[BILLY]
We're meeting now for the first time.
[HAMMER]
You look horribly familiar.
[BILLY]
One of those faces I guess.
[HAMMER]
Have I seen you at the gym?
[BILLY]
At the gym...
[HAMMER]
I don't go to the gym; I'm just naturally like this. Oh well. Who wants to know what the mayor is doing behind closed doors? He is signing over a certain building to a Caring Hands group as a new homeless shelter.
[PENNY]
Oh my god!
[HAMMER]
Yep. Apparently the only signature he needed was my fist. But with a pen in it, that I was signing with...
[PENNY]
I—I can't believe it.
[BILLY]
Congratulations.
[PENNY]
Thank you! Thank you!
[PENNY kisses CAPTAIN HAMMER in thanks. The buzzer for her laundry goes off.]
Oh!
[PENNY goes to retrieve her laundry]
[BILLY]
Well, this is great. I wish I could stay and chitchat.
[BILLY attempts to leave, but CAPTAIN HAMMER grabs him by the shoulder and spins him around]
[HAMMER]
Well, it sure was nice to meet you, Doctor. You got a little crush, don't you Doc? Well that’s gonna make this hard to hear. See, later I'm gonna take little Penny back to my place. Show her the command center, Hammer-cycle, maybe even the Ham-Jet. You think she likes me now? I'm gonna give Penny the night of her life, just because you want her. And I get what you want. See, Penny's giving it up, she's giving it up hard. 'Cause she's with Captain Hammer. (he raises his fists) And these are not the hammer.
[CAPTAIN HAMMER starts to walk away, and then returns after a second]
[HAMMER]
The hammer is my penis.
[CAPTAIN HAMMER and PENNY walk out together. BILLY stands in place. An evil grin comes across his face as the song begins.]
"Brand New Day"[BILLY]
This appeared as a moral dilemma
Cause at first it was weird, though I swore to eliminate
The worst of the plague that devoured humanity it's true
I was vague on the how, so how can it be that you
Have shown me the light
It's a brand new day, and the sun is high
All the birds are singin' that you're gonna die
How I hesitated now I wonder why
It's a brand new day
All the times that you beat me unconscious I'll forgive
All the crimes incomplete, listen honestly I'll live
Mr. Cool, Mr. Right, Mr. Know-It-All is through
Now the future's so bright and I owe it all to you
Who showed me the light
It's a brand new me, I've got no remorse
Now the water's risin', but I know the course
I'm gonna shock the world, gonna show Bad Horse
It's a brand new day
And Penny will see the evil me
Not a joke, not a dork, not a failure
And she may cry, but her tears will dry
When I hand her the keys to a shiny new Australia
It's a brand new day, yeah the sun is high
All the angels sing because you're gonna die
Go ahead and laugh, yeah I'm a funny guy
Tell everyone goodbye
It's a brand new day
