[Robert Foster]
Welcome to Rap News, your news source, for the latest report
Beaming forth from planet Earth, where humanity loves nothing more
Than being entertained, amused, entranced, enthused and enthralled
By a popular global ritual commonly known as "sport". That's right, sport
For as we talk, a third of all humans are tuned-in, with volume turned up
To the biggest of all sporting events: the World Cup
Which is being hosted in football's very own Mecca: Brazil
Citizens there must be delighted and thrilled, so join us as we'll
Cross to Rio to speak to one of the happy people
[Rio citizen]
Oi, galera! tudo bem?
[Robert Foster]
Tudo ottimo, and you?
[Rio citizen]
Não! Tudo terrível!
[Robert Foster]
Everything terrible? but why? Not enjoying o jogo bonito?
[Rio citizen]
Futebol is beautiful, but there is corrupção here that's evil
[Robert Foster]
Corruption?
[Rio citizen]
Tem certeza! When we heard about the World Cup, we said 'Beleza!'
But from Sao Paulo, and Rio, to Fortaleza, the people are in need of
Educação, saúde, habitação, comida
But instead our taxes are used to feed the piranha FIFA!
[William de Berg]
Hold it right there!
[Rio citizen]
They're here!
[William de Berg]
You are under arrest
[Rio citizen]
Ai! Caralho!
[William de Berg]
Stay calm soccer fans, we have enforced and restored peace
Please continue to enjoy World Cup twenty fourteen!
[Robert Foster]
What's this here?
[William de Berg]
We've taken control of Brazil. Bom dia
[Robert Foster]
And you are?
[William de Berg]
William de Berg, representing THIEFA
[Robert Foster]
Uh welcome back, Bill, so is the World Cup bringing joy all round?
[William de Berg]
It is bringing us lank amounts, and that's what counts
Check our bank accounts: This is our biggest World Coup of all time:
Thirty billion bucks; more than all three previous Cups combined
[Robert Foster]
It seems Brazilians would prefer 'FIFA-quality' homes instead;
Better schools and hospitals. They're striking, calling protests...
[William de Berg]
Ach Nonsense. We're bringing them "Order and Progress"
Having mass evictions, cleaning the streets of all the homeless
Ahh... gentrification: those favelas are on prime real estate
You see the World Cup provides a perfect pretext these days
To take away liberties and impose a police state, increased surveillance
Special forces, laws and courts to prosecute protesters
And all these measures will remain long after the end of the festival
[Robert Foster]
But won't Brazil be left with chaos and tremendous debt to owe?
[William de Berg]
Sure, that's why our stadiums were designed with a special second role:
To be converted into massive prisons after the final whistle blows
[Robert Foster]
Incredible
[William de Berg]
These are just a piece of the benefits THIEFA brings to Brazil
And that's why many others compete to host the World Cup as well:
Russia, you're next to foot the damn bill; and then me and Sepp Blatter
We'll take the show direct to...
The slave kingdom of Qatar!
[Robert Foster]
Now, hang on, Mr. De Berg. I'm no expert, I'm aware of this
But I thought this sport was supposed to be all about fairness
[William de Berg]
Why did you think that we call it the World Game?
[Robert Foster]
Um...
[William de Berg]
You see all those fans out there in the ranks, or watching TV
Backing their team, chanting 'Ole', giving their flags a passionate wave?
They think they're spectators, but in fact they're in the actual game
[Robert Foster]
They are?
[William de Berg]
Let's get the true score in the match of the day
By chatting with national team captains
[Tony Abbott]
G'day
[William de Berg]
Tony Abbott, tough match?
[Tony Abbott]
Ah, not really, ah, Billy
We've ah used the best tactics, and come away with the ah victory
[William de Berg]
The opposition didn't really stand a chance tonight
[Tony Abbott]
That's right
You might have expected the Australian people to have a bit more fight
But their fatal own goal, was to vote Tony in the last election
'Coz even though the Australian economy was the ah envy of everyone
And we sailed through the GFC with a Triple A rating
I still slashed the budget for pensions, unemployment, health and education
By making up some crap about fiscal emergency
[William de Berg]
A fake dive! That's even better acting than the Italian team
[Tony Abbott]
This strategy should ah put us ahead in the World Game
Coz without education, the next ah generation of Australians
Will most probably become a bunch of ignorant fuck-witted suppositories
Even more obsessed with sport. That's great for the economy
[William de Berg]
Spoken like a true World Game captain, but will Australia be champion?
What about the result in your match, Mr David Cameron?
[David Cameron]
Fair play, Aussies. Not bad: giving the people minimal funding
But to really give them a thumping you need a criminal function
That's what England's got in the form of the elite City of London
Whose bankers catalysed the GFC with their corrupt international plundering
But we don't punish them, instead we stiff the English people with penalty kicks
And impose a rigid round of society-killing austerity hits
Plus: we corner them with poor diet, poor education and tabloid media images
Making those idiots blame their situation on the poor and on immigrants
[William de Berg]
Excellent game, but now the heavyweights are ready to play:
First, the USA. Acting captain, John Kerry, Secretary of State
[John Kerry]
Billy-boy, we might suck balls at soccer, but we dominate the league table
In beating down our own people...
[William de Berg]
Lethal. What's your game plan procedure?
[John Kerry]
We seek to outmanoeuvre them in every position we take up:
In defense, we use illegal homeland surveillance of data
In the midfield, we've possess the best strikers at propaganda
They've even managed to convince folks that Snowden's a traitor!
Heck, we've scored so many goals against Americans
The other teams are scrambling to imitate us, but they barely can!
[William de Berg]
Don't speak too soon John, there are some strong players in this game
Like last tournament's reigning champions: Spain
[Mariano Rajoy]
Hola, somos 'En Números Rojos', the Spanish home team
Soy Mariano Rajoy, el capitan. In twenty ten we took the football trophy
But our biggest victory was to squeeze public liquidity
And to deprive el pueblo, not just of money, but of their dignity
Now our unemployment is the best, two in three youths feel the strain
Of no job or prospects of change unless they choose to emigrate
[William de Berg]
That's an even better score than Greece when they led the way
[Mariano Rajoy]
The others are not bad; but Spain's the true champions of the World Game
[Tony Abbott]
World Game? huh! wait till I make the world's climate change;
[David Cameron]
Raise austerity!
[John Kerry]
Print more money!
[Mariano Rajoy]
98 percent!
[Robert Foster]
So much passion, but which will be the winning team?
[William de Berg]
Don't you see? They're all winners, that's why we sing...
[All]
Put your slave flags in the sky
And wave them side by side
Show the world where you are from
Show the world we have won
[William de Berg]
It's my world, our world, the whole world's our game
And we coerce the whole world, whole world to play
These flags were made so you'd fight yourselves
Instead of us and so the world, whole world's our game
[Tony Abbott]
One night, watch the world divide
[David Cameron]
Two sides, one fight and a million lies
[John Kerry]
You 'tards, gonna get screwed hard
[Mariano Rajoy]
Screw all the people, fists up to the sky
[William de Berg]
(Hey hey hey!) Fascists, fascists, come on sing with me
(Hey hey hey!) Only slaves heed nationalities
(Hey hey hey!) Come on now! (Hey hey hey!)
Come on now! (heil heil heil! heil heil!)
Put your slave flags in the sky (put em in the sky. Show us where you are)
And wave them side by side (come on, slaves. Now don't be shy)
Show the world where you are from (Show em you are owned, we own you, baby)
Show the world we have won (One... world... lie...)
[Robert Foster]
Well, viewers, our coverage of the World Coup is finishing
Boa noite, Brazil. And good luck to you, for another ordeal is imminent:
Once this concludes, you'll have to go through the Olympic predicament
Rest assured we'll be back with another report to deliver then
So what does our love of sport say about the world we're living in?
Perhaps we crave its ideals of fairness; its level playing fields;
Its respect for the law's limits; the fact that the rules are legitimate
And, unlike in life, clearly written and known to all participants
If we played by those principles, not just in the stadium
But day to day in our courtrooms, boardrooms and government chambers
It would truly be a game changer on the actual world stage
Now in that sport, you could count me as an avid fan. Good day
