MUSIC 5A: USNAVI'S DANCE LESSON
(The ladies are packing.)
[DANIELA]
You know me, I don't like to talk about nobody, pero...oye esto!
[CARLA]
Dani, don't! My pastor told me gossip is a sin.
[DANIELA]
Jesus, perdóname. Gladys went behind my back for a ten dollar hairdo and guess what she found in her extensions? Una cuaracha. One of the big ones, with wings.
(NINA enters.)
[NINA]
Hey, ladies...
[DANIELA]
Entre mija!
[CARLA]
Mira quién es!
[VANESSA]
Hells yeah, she's back!
[NINA]
(To VANESSA.)
I called you all morning
[VANESSA]
Guess who confiscated my phone? Next fall, put me in your suitcase and take me with you.
[NINA]
(To DANIELA.)
Mind if I steal Vanessa for a minute?
[DANIELA]
And what are we, chopped chuletas?
[CARLA]
Pobrecita, you need a makeover.
[NINA]
I have to go help my mom...I'll see you at dinner?
[DANIELA]
I'll be packing. Tomorrow we close that door forever!
[NINA]
Oh no.
(Sits.)
Alright, ten minutes.
[DANIELA]
Can you believe the salon's moving to the Bronx.
[VANESSA]
Gettin' out the barrio and headin' into the hood.
[DANIELA]
(To NINA.)
They keep raising the rent, what can I do?
[NINA]
Man, now who's going to mess up my highlights?
[DANIELA]
Ungrateful! I mess up your highlights at a discount price. And if you come visit in the Bronx, free eyebrow waxing!
[NINA]
You're the only person who touches these brows.
[DANIELA]
So I see. Tweezers!
(VANESSA hands her the tweezers.)
[CARLA]
Ay pero, what happened to these curls? You need some hair gel mami.
MUSIC 6: NO ME DIGA
[NINA]
Oh god, do not make my hair all crunchy!
[DANIELA]
You have to accept hair gel into your life!
(sung)
[DANIELA]
Gorgeous!
[CARLA]
Linda!
[CARLA/DANIELA]
Tell me something I don’t know!
[VANESSA]
Vieja!
[DANIELA]
Sucia!
[CARLA]
Cabrona!
[CARLA/VANESSA/DANIELA]
Tell me something I don’t know!
[CARLA]
A little off the top!
[DANIELA]
A little off the side!
[NINA]
A little bit of news you’ve heard around the barrio!
[ALL]
Tell me something I don’t know!
[DANIELA]
Bueno
You didn’t hear it from me!
But some little birdie told me
Usnavi had sex with Yolanda!
[NINA/CARLA]
No me diga!
[VANESSA]
Ay, no! He’d never go out with a skank like that!
Please tell me you’re joking!
[DANIELA]
Okay!
Just wanted to see what you’d say!
[CARLA]
Oh ho, Dani!
[CARLA/NINA/DANIELA]
Tell me something I don’t know!
(at Vanessa)
Mmm-hmm-mmm…
[VANESSA]
What? I don’t care!
[ALL]
Ay, bendito!
[DANIELA]
So, Nina, I hear you been talking to Benny
[NINA]
And what do you hear?
[DANIELA]
I hear plenty!
They say he’s got quite a big… taxi!
[CARLA/VANESSA]
No me diga!
[NINA]
Okay! I don’t wanna know where you heard all that!
[CARLA]
I don’t think I know what you mean…
[DANIELA]
Carla! He’s packing a stretch limousine!
(CARLA gets it. They all laugh.)
[VANESSA/DANIELA/NINA]
Tell me something I don’t know!
[CARLA]
Long as he keeps it clean!
[NINA/VANESSA/DANIELA]
Ay dios mio!
(The women hoot and holler.)
[DANIELA]
Nina, seriously, we knew you’d be the one to make it out!
[VANESSA]
I bet you impressed them all out west;
You were always the best, no doubt!
[CARLA]
We want front row seats to your graduation—
[DANIELA]
They’ll call your name—
[DANIELA/CARLA/VANESSA]
And we’ll scream and shout!
(They cheer for NINA. The music stops.)
[NINA, spoken]
You guys, I dropped out.
[DANIELA/CARLA/VANESSA]
No me diga?!
[NINA]
I should go.
(She exits.)
(spoken)
[DANIELA]
That’s a shitty piece of news.
[CARLA]
That girl never quit anything.
[DANIELA]
Muchacha never got a B!
[VANESSA]
She got a C in gym once. I had to talk her off the fire escape.
[DANIELA]
Maybe the pressure cooker couldn't take it and pah, the lid flew off!
[VANESSA]
But why? What the hell happened?
(sung)
[DANIELA]
I don’t know…
[DANIELA/CARLA]
I don’t know
[DANIELA]
I don’t know...
[CARLA/VANESSA]
Tell me something I don’t know!
[ALL]
Qué sé yo?
