Abi:
What about Mafia Dad 2? That was a good sequel?
Kevin:
Sure, once in a blue moon they don’t screw it up, but it doesn’t change the fact that most sequels are terrible and a bad idea
Ryvyr:
Sharkgirl and Lavaboy 2 was really good
Kevin:
I thought you said it didn’t have enough violence?
Ryvyr:
All the good G movies never have enough violence
Abi:
They’re for kids
Ryvyr:
How are the kids going to learn to defend their tribe?
Abi:
You’re the cutеst little homicidal goblin i know
Ryvyr:
Love you too, babe *kissy noisеs*
Abi:
Have you thought about your catchphrase?
Ryvyr:
Shouldn’t we focus on this new murder we're driving to?
Abi:
We’ll figure it out when we get there
Kevin:
Not much further now. I not sure we both need a catchphrase, but if i had one it could be
“You didn't think about that, did you, you bulbous hemorrhoid?”
Abi:
As a catchphrase?
Ryvyr:
What’s a hemorrhoid?
Abi:
No. We are a primetime show. You cannot say hemorrhoid every episode
Kevin:
But you say the word hell?
Abi:
Spell from hell time!
Kevin:
How is hell better than hemorrhoid?
Abi:
It just is. No one wants to hear about…
Ryvyr:
So do you sing your theme song every episode?
Kevin:
Well, if we’re a movie, we do a new, more hip theme song. Like:
KEVIN:
Its Kevin and Abi back on the case
Come inspectin’ and dectectin’ til the culprit’s aced
If the bodies are a pilin and you don’t know which is which
Come a solvin’ and revolving with Kevin and the witch
Sherlock and Poirot, Father Brown and Sam Spade
All step back and raise a glass when the mouse is on the case
Cause it's find the guilty time and make that killer their bitch
Another crime unwinds with Kevin and the Witch
CHORUS:
Kevin and the witch
KEVIN:
Her name is Abi!
CHORUS:
Kevin and the witch
KEVIN:
She's not too shabby!
CHORUS:
Kevin and the witch
KEVIN:
The mouse and Abi!
CHORUS:
Kevin and the witch
KEVIN:
Like Scooby and Shaggy!
Abi:
No, nonono, no. Absolutely not. We are a murder of the week, hit prime time show. Same song every time. It’s comforting. Here, like this:
ABI:
If murderers are on your nerves and make your eyeballs twitch
KEVIN:
Don’t you moan, pick up the phone, call Kevin and the witch
ABI:
We’ll ace the toughest case without a snag or drag or hitch
KEVIN:
Kevin is the sweet one and Abi’s a raging b—
ABI:
Don’t you dare say it
KEVIN & ABI:
If someone wrong just offed your mom and you are in a glitch
We’re the friends at your wits end, Kevin and the witch
Kevin:
It is a classic
Ryvyr:
I liked the terrible rapping
Kevin:
What if I wore a backwards baseball hat and chain and spit the ver—
Abi: What if we didn’t do a sleazy, corporate, culturally appropriating cash grab
...
KEVIN:
It’s true sometimes you need a sleuth, detectives on your side
ABI: Brilliant, sly, astute, and wise, we always get our guy
KEVIN: Abi’s fun and sweet but her spells can kick your behind
ABI: Kevin has a brilliant mind, nothing escapes his eye
KEVIN & ABI:
If the cops have given up, don’t panic, don’t you twitch
The best detective team out there, the mouse and yes, the witch
Ryvyr:
We should do a blood scream at the end
Kevin:
A blood scream?
Ryvyr:
You know, like… “the mouse and yes, the witch” *scream*
Kevin:
Oddly it works better than you’d first think. So, a pair of cows were talking in a—
Abi:
Stop right there. No. Aren’t we here?
Kevin:
Oh, we’ve arrived
Ryvyr:
Oh, this place is fancy
Abi:
This is the home of Santiago Winters, CEO of VV Enterprises
Ryvyr:
Santiago Winters, CEO of VV Enterprises?
Abi:
Say it once more for the viewers at home
Ryvyr:
The rich and powerful Santiago Winters, CEO of VV Enterprises
Abi:
Did Mr. Winters actually call us?
Kevin:
No. It might have been his wife, although the voice was very computery
Abi:
So do we just knock on the front door?
Kevin:
This door is enormous
Ryvyr:
You know, i keep a mace with me for just such occasions
Kevin:
You can’t possibly mean mace as in—
*THUNK*
Abi:
That’s a big dent you put in their door
