[TESS, spoken]
Gerald, I think my record speaks for itself. I think I can look back and safely say: I was right.
[GERALD, spoken]
That's right!
[TESS, spoken]
I was perfectly right.
[GERALD, spoken]
Right.
[TESS]
My instincts were valid and strong, right?
[GERALD, spoken]
That's right!
[TESS]
When you're right, you're right
[GERALD, spoken]
Right!
[TESS]
I know when I'm right
Can you honestly say I was wrong?
[GERALD, spoken]
Right—Wrong!
[TESS]
I was right
[GERALD, spoken]
Right
[TESS]
That's right
I was perfectly right
[GERALD, spoken]
Right
[TESS]
I was and I've been all along
Right?
[GERALD, spoken]
That's right!
[TESS]
When you're right, you're right
I know when I'm right
It's remarkably rare that I'm wrong
Right?
[TESS & GERALD]
That's right!
[TESS, spoken]
I mean, even in my personal life, I've always made the right decision. When I married Larry I was eighteen, he was twenty, we were both journalism students in Missouri and all he wantеd to be was William Allen White. I had a job at a local TV station, I was only doing thе weather, but some network executive happened to see me one night. So, I knew I had to go to New York, and Larry would be happier editing a newspaper in Colorado or somewhere, so it was time for a break. And though we both still cared for each other, he had to go his way, I had to go mine, so the split up was not a mistake!
(sung)
Now Larry's remarried and blissful out west
And I love my career, it was all for the best!
I was right!
[GERALD, spoken]
That's right!
[TESS]
I was perfectly right
[GERALD, spoken]
Right.
[TESS]
My instincts were valid and strong, right?
[GERALD, spoken]
That's right!
[TESS]
When you're right, you're right
[GERALD, spoken]
Right!
[TESS]
I know when I'm right
It's remarkably rare that I'm wrong
Right?
[TESS & GERALD]
That's right!
[TESS, spoken]
Need we even mention my professional life? When I started doing hard news, those decisions weren't easy, you know. I remember interviewing Nassar and saying, "Look, Gamal, do me a favor and do not invade Israel," but no, no, he went right ahead. Then there was Ehrlichman and Haldeman, I said, "Boys, you've got to tell the truth!" What did they do? Lies, lies, every word that they said. Then Alexi Petrikov, the Russian dancer, said he was bored of the Bolshoi. I told him, "Defect!" but he was too meek! Now, a friend of mine just got back from Moscow, says he's frustrated, unhappy, and dancing Spartacus four times a week!
(sung)
Now, a braggart, I'm not
[GERALD, spoken]
Right
[TESS]
But doesn't it show
My margin for error's exceedingly low?
...I was right!
[GERALD, spoken]
That's right!
[TESS]
I was perfectly right
[GERALD, spoken]
Right.
[TESS]
My instincts were valid and strong, right?
[GERALD, spoken]
That's right!
[TESS]
When you're right, you're right
[GERALD, spoken]
Right!
[TESS]
I know when I'm right
It's remarkably rare that I'm wrong
Right?
[TESS & GERALD]
That's right!
[TESS, spoken]
Now we have the second rate cartoonist, my God, what's all the uproar about? Obviously, I made the right decision again. All I did was present a well-considered analysis of how the funnies are trashing the arts, and it sets off this ridiculous flap! So he creates me as a character in his puerile little strip, to put Klutz or whatever the hell that cat's name is on the map. Well, when I get that publicity-grabbing exploitive detestable little weasel in here, will I make him squirm. I bet I can tell you what he looks like, too! He's probably a short, Napoleonic, bald, fat, pudgy, pasty-faced worm!
[GERALD, spoken]
Yes, sir?
[SAM, spoken]
Sam Craig to see Miss Harding.
[GERALD, spoken]
Miss Harding? Mr. Sam Craig is here.
[TESS, spoken]
Wonderful. Please send Mr. Sam Craig in.
(sung)
There's only one way to treat vermin like that
I'll show him what cats are
That beady-eyed ra—
(spoken)
Mr. Craig?
[SAM, spoken]
Now, look, Miss Harding—
[TESS, spoken]
Mr. Craig. Before you say anything, let me tell you something straight out:
(sung)
I was wrong
That's right
I was totally wrong!
[GERALD, spoken]
No!
[TESS]
And not to confess would be small!
That's right, when you're wrong, you're wrong
I know when I'm wrong
And you're not what I pictured at all
[SAM, spoken]
What?
[TESS]
Right, I was bad
That's right
And I must've been mad
But my bark is much worse than my bite
[SAM]
Is that right?
[TESS]
So, let's cool it, let's
I acknowledge my debts
I know...
Can I buy you dinner tonight?
[SAM]
Alright
[TESS]
Terrific, what are we waiting for?
[GERALD, spoken]
Uh, Miss Harding, you're not actually leaving now, are you?
[TESS, spoken]
That's right!
[GERALD, spoken]
But it's only five o'clock!
[TESS, spoken]
Right!
[GERALD, spoken]
And you haven't answered any of your calls yet!
[TESS, spoken]
That's right!
[GERALD, spoken]
And the senator called, and Cardinal Cooke, and James Beard, and Irving Lazar, and Kurt Waldheim
[TESS, spoken]
Right!
[GERALD, spoken]
And you're going without answering any of them?
[TESS, spoken]
Goodnight, Gerald.
[GERALD, spoken]
Uh, Mr. Craig, I appeal to you, sir. You will have her back within the hour, right?
[SAM, spoken]
Wrong.
[GERALD, spoken]
Wrong?
(sung)
Wrong!
