[Intro]
Everybody wants to be the man
But I don't think you understand
You could never in your wildest dreams
Get ahead if you don't put away them childish things
[Verse 1]
You might as well hang a pinata right up next to a hornet's nest
Subject your toaster to an underwater performance test
Comment loudly on a sumo wrestler's enormous breasts
Take a walk through Death Valley wearin' your warmest vest
Forget your anniversary
Use up the last of the lead paint to do the nursery
Get pulled over by the cops and be like "Yo, you see how fast I went
Causing that multiple-vehicle flaming rollover accident"
Demand signed parental permission slips from orphans
Walk into mosque munching on hot & spicy fried pork skins
Carry a pair of scissors with you to jog on an ice rink
Go in a biker bar and spit in the biggest guy's drink
Hit the slopes and try to ski uphill
Or just stand at the bottom and try to see what will
Cheer yourself up by watching Eyewitness News
Show up late to a funeral wearing a white suit and tennis shoes
[Chorus]
You can do whatever you endeavor to
But some things you should never do, a fool's quest
Tryin' to build with no tool-chest, a harebrained scheme
Crazy crusade, to hit the mainstream
No dues paid, everybody wants to be the man
But I don't think you understand
You could never in your wildest dreams
Get ahead if you don't put away them childish things
[Verse 2]
You might as well yell obscenities at the Kennedy's while waving your extremities
Swallow pints of ice cream for headache remedies
Offer a piece of fresh fruit to a customs agent
Fall face-first flat on the pavement for your own entertainment
Teach yourself to yodel in a library
Place a phone call on a fax machine and try to speak in binary
Serve a fish dish with red wine
Drink a pot of extra black, strong hot coffee at bedtime
Take your laptop into the shower with you to check your email
Address your wife with the name of another female
Stay out late with your friends and be like "Pssh, let her get mad"
Swagger through a black neighborhood draped in a confederate flag
Matter of fact, be a white emcee and bring up racial issues
Sit through the Tammy Faye Bakker makeover without facial tissues
Front row at a Puffy concert with a sign that says, Mace we miss you
Forty years old and dress the way you see them crazy kids do
[Chorus]
You can do whatever you endeavor to
But some things you should never do, a fool's quest
Tryin' to build with no tool-chest, a harebrained scheme
Crazy crusade, to hit the mainstream
No dues paid, everybody wants to be the man
But I don't think you understand
You could never in your wildest dreams
Get ahead if you don't put away them childish things
[Verse 3]
You might as well do jumping jacks while cleaning your ear with a coat hook
Freestyle battle reciting your rhymes from a notebook
Pretend you didn't hear nothin' when someone disses your mom
Step onto an airplane and be like, "This is the bomb!"
Give the baby a plastic bag to play with
Go to court and tell the bailiff that he could use a facelift
Take your wife out to dinner and flirt with the waitress
Ask an overweight woman when her due date is
Barbecue in the middle of your living room
Get your grub on 'til you're mad stuffed and head straight for the swimming pool
Slip into a phone booth and re-enact a Jackie Chan fight scene
Substitute Tabasco sauce for Visine
Pull up in your brand new Lexus and apply for public assistance
After eating a bag of Fritos refusing to keep your distance
Inform the IRS that your finances are none of their business
Take a good look around and deny God's existence
[Chorus]
You can do whatever you endeavor to
But some things you should never do, a fool's quest
Tryin' to build with no tool-chest, a harebrained scheme
Crazy crusade, to hit the mainstream
No dues paid, everybody wants to be the man
But I don't think you understand
You could never in your wildest dreams
Get ahead if you don't put away them childish things
