The Bear, The Tiger, The Hamster and The Mole Lyrics by Lynne Wintersteller
Closer Than Ever (Original Off-Broadway Cast Recording)
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[WOMAN 1] Stop! All right, that's it! That's the one that does it I've had it with that song and dance A man must this and a woman must that 'Til relationships don't stand a chance I'm sorry to shout But I'm up to here With all that crap about man and wife For I—thank God—am a scientist And I know the real facts of life Like a soul possessed I have studied and assessed The creatures of this earth And from moose to eel What my studies most reveal Is the male's inflated worth For in most of the animal kingdom The ladies only seldom need men Their dealings are straight They meet them to mate And never see them again The bear, the tiger, the hamster and the mole Have females who live fruitful lives outside of male control For one mindless spasm they allow the male his role That's marriage for the tiger, bear and hamster Now the mole, who's blind Will never be confined To one male she's merely felt Once his seed is sown She has her babes alone In the hole where the male mole dwelt And as for the boa constrictor She needs no more than one male response For when it appears She stores it for years To use whenever she wants The ray, the rhino, the penguin and the tern Those females know that motherhood is not a male concern Of course they're not human, but they show what we can learn They point the way, the rhino, ray and penguin In a field or brook Almost anywhere you look Are mothers on their own In the deep, on high Mothers kiss their mates goodbye And they raise their young alone Now I make no brief for the mantis Who decapitates her mate during sex But I do like the auk Who mates with a squawk And then throw rocks at her ex The bitch, the vixen, the queen bee and the shrew What men have done to those fine words we never can undo They're strong working mothers, yes, they're just like me and you Let's redefine the shrew, the bitch and vixen And be like the seagull Roam free as the lynx And cruise like the caribous if we choose And not have to wait for those sly little winks From some man who envies the sex life of minks And not have to guess if he's one of the finks Or whether he drinks Or whether he stinks Or what he thinks Of me Now of course if fate Should put upon my plate That quintessential male I would stick like glue Yes, I would be as true As any beaver, owl or whale But 'til then I'll envy the oyster Who lives a happy life on the shelf When she wants a term She releases some sperm And fertilizes herself The hare, the condor, the guppy and the bream They're all out there doing what humans only dream Come march towards the future on my scientific team For now that you've seen and can compare Why anyone with the will to dare Can follow the tiger and the bear And hamster And mole And me!
About “The Bear, The Tiger, The Hamster and The Mole” by Lynne Wintersteller
Read the complete lyrics to "The Bear, The Tiger, The Hamster and The Mole" by Lynne Wintersteller from the album "Closer Than Ever (Original Off-Broadway Cast Recording)". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Off-Broadway, Musicals, Pop.
"The Bear, The Tiger, The Hamster and The Mole" is performed by Lynne Wintersteller. from the album "Closer Than Ever (Original Off-Broadway Cast Recording)" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL.
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"The Bear, The Tiger, The Hamster and The Mole" is credited to Lynne Wintersteller. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.
"The Bear, The Tiger, The Hamster and The Mole" appears on "Closer Than Ever (Original Off-Broadway Cast Recording)".
Visit the Lynne Wintersteller artist page at /artist/lynne-wintersteller for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.
