It was nearin' 4 in the mornin’
The devil called me, I said "i'm sorry ma'am, you must forgive me, my schedule busy, really, i’m overwhelmed"
She followed by with askin' what I been doin'
I said "honestly too much for me to tell
I feel like i'm in a cell, or hell, workin' 24 hours shifts"
She laughed and said it sound like I got reason to live
I said "it's funny, I carry more of a purpose than most
And I understand we're all we got so I do try to have hope
But some shit along the road, ain't that easy to shake
And my world is full of snakes"
She said "thats true for everyones lane"
I said "I know"
She said "you don’t"
I said "I mean, i’d never claim to know
What nightmares some could be walkin' through
But try throwin’ on my shoes
Yo, I been to hell and back too
With what i'm dealt you'd wonder why I don't live in bad mood
And probably wonder why I front like I ain’t confused
Or like I had some shit to prove when I know there ain't no use"
She asked me what i'm gettin' at
I said "yo, I never knew
My psyche skewed and it don't always help me talkin' to you
I went from rappin' on the stoop to rappin' loud for empty rooms
Its what i gotta do but its like everyays on a loop
I try to stay true
But i been fallin down im a depressed mess
So even at my best my mind is drowning me in death threats
I- Just think what I need in my life's unfound
I'm proud of what I done but I get really low when i'm down
Im more fortunate than most in that I can escape in sound
But all I have is passing time to pull me out of the ground"
She said she hears me loud but really hell is worse than it seems
And i'm lucky I got the means for me to follow my dreams
She said my visions blurry dealin' with the weight of the scene
We growin' by the week and I do got a really great team
"And since the rhymes and 88-keys, you say you been a mess
You focused on your stress instead of seein' that you're cryin' less
And I ain't tryin' to test, I know life has been really mad for you
But more so for your mother so you been known what you had to do"
I said "don't give me attitude" then said she was right
She said she always had a way a helpin' people see the light
"Like, really people don't fight right
Just fume with aggression
And give into human obsession
To keep too many weapons
Its our nature to be defensive
But more so to be defenseless
And then we bottle anger and lash out and we mis direct it
Ain't no misconception we live amongst missed connections
Second guessin' is such a sin when you're distrusting your senses"
And I said its late for her to be so relentless
Then she joked it was "never too late to wake up", but I know she meant it
After we finished talkin' I overthought it, like always
And decided I could smile when faced with a locked doorway
And I could be more grateful and wait while the pots warmin'
Instead of dreadin' attention i'll pray they don't stop swarming
I'll try to stop fallin' like the ways I done in the past
And try to pass more than pushin' the most negative path
I'm obsessin' over the math, I know I ain't got it all
But I know I came far from nowhere, so none of my 'bout to fall
A lot of truth in that but right now i'm just mouthin' off
So late that it's early and I been up since the crack of dawn
Maybe i'll kick it back with my demons and laugh along
I'm content, but tomorrow i'll be mad again at it all, i'm gone
