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Evil Dice Tango Lyrics by Mary Crowell

I Have Missed You at My Table

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[Verse 1]
I remember my first character with some affection
A bar-fighting barbarian, he'd no discretion
In a brawl he could throw your paladin in any direction
And I was feeling pretty good about his progression
Until I met the goblin with the stick
[Verse 2]
The goblin was quite gobby and got right in my face
He called me unprofessional which wasn't the case
I unlimbered my broadsword to put him in his place
I won initiative and swung with natural grace
And then I rolled a one and broke my leg
[Chorus]
Evil dice, I've got evil dice!
They like to kill my characters, it's not very nice
There's no way I can fight them
They can always devise
Some way to turn the tables
And throw a surprise
Disaster in the face of victory
[Verse 3]
So then I tried a half-elven assassin
All slender blades and vials of poison, a fast one
With the dealing death and not averse to passing
Witty remarks over a body she'd been recently outclassing
And then she tried to sneak out past the guards
[Verse 4]
I was making checks for hiding and stealth
She was smirking in a shadow, couldn't help herself
And then I rolled a one and brushed up slightly 'gainst a shelf
Of armour that went crashing on the floor and by itself
A helmet went bouncing down the stairs
Clang, clang, clatter, bash, sad
[Chorus]
Evil dice, I've got evil dice!
They like to kill my characters, it's not very nice
There's no way I can fight them
They can always devise
Some way to turn the tables
And throw a surprise
Disaster in the face of victory
[Verse 5]
Then I thought I'd dabble in the arcane
Gather some eldritch power and go insane
Made a necromancer, used the power of his brain
And summoned shambling things that shouldn't come into this plane
I made him cool, and austere, he’d treat the living with disdain
[Verse 6]
So when we came to our climactic fight (La la la la)
I was nowhere near the front, it was a delight
To be sending zombies down the room to flank them on the right
When I threw a one, but only stumbled slightly
Threw one again, trod on my robe and sprawled
Into my own magic circle
[Chorus]
Evil dice, I've got evil dice!
They like to kill my characters, it's not very nice
There's no way I can fight them
They can always devise
Some way to turn the tables
And throw a surprise
Disaster in the face of victory
Evil dice, I've got evil dice!
They like to kill my characters, it's not very nice
There's no way I can fight them
They can always devise
Some way to turn the tables
And throw a surprise
Disaster in the face of victory
[Outro]
Evil dice
Credits
Mary Crowell

Mary Crowell

About “Evil Dice Tango” by Mary Crowell

Read the complete lyrics to "Evil Dice Tango" by Mary Crowell from the album "I Have Missed You at My Table". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Gaming, Pop.

"Evil Dice Tango" is performed by Mary Crowell. from the album "I Have Missed You at My Table" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Evil Dice Tango", explore more songs by Mary Crowell using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"Evil Dice Tango" is credited to Mary Crowell. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Evil Dice Tango" appears on "I Have Missed You at My Table".

Visit the Mary Crowell artist page at /artist/mary-crowell for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.