Intro
My only option as of the moment is to act like I don't need anybody
*Scoff* But it ain't enough, not anymore
I need to stop the games, but I dunno how...
1st verse
As of the moment I feel enough pain to make mount everest ache and break down
It ain't normal, the rate I start having internal mental&emotional breakdowns when I cannot have something that softens my hard exterior
And it ain't easy enough that I know I'm hated by many people yet the ones who love me cannot see through the dumb shields I put up myself
To help push them away when I needed them the most because I'm stupid and I dunno what to do at the moment I'm stuck in a position where I'm
Feeling as if I'm being electrified, life bringing me shock after shock and I keep lying to everyone including myself to the point where I don't
Trust it when I hear my own name
I don't love myself and it takes a certain kind of idiot to do the actions that I am doing and I don't know how to change it, I tried and tried
And it took me a lot of time to realize that trying ain't ever enough
It's tough to live like this, draw breath after breath and have my chest hurting like this, give birth to thoughts that are troublesome like this
I try my best to reflect on my issues in my own time and I became addicted to the internet when I ran out of ideas and virtual living became
My escape goat from this kind of life and it's funny. The way I spent years perfecting a fake smile to make people around me think that I'm okay
It's just funny. It's hilarious even to think of the amount of self pride a man can have even when he's prejudiced towards his own self
Not trusting his judgement to the point where he wishes that Hades comes around with the reaper together on one parade to take him away because
He's too pussy to face life but too pussy to suicide
I don't feel like ruining someone's life by ending my own. I don't feel like making the people who actually care have to walk on their own
I don't feel like sending my body soaring through the air off of a rooftop just because I'm too weak to face myself, the people, and the problems
Chorus
It hurts, it's painful. I feel the chills
It aches my existence to the point where every breath kills
I'm numb, I'm dumb, my soul is none-existent and instead it's place is just filled
2nd Verse
Filled with hatred for myself every single time I look in the mirror I feel like I ain't a man, I look right through the mask and I feel disgust
I don't understand what drove me to this breaking point
I really don't get the point of being a psychological masochist
Actually, I do. Pain is the only feeling that lasts for more than 5 minutes, everything else is irrelevant at ths point
I've been holding myself at gun point and asking myself to stop being a bitch
I know venting and bitching does nothing but easing the stress for a moment or two but I guess that's the best I could do
I don't care about anything, not even my future. I'm not even sure if I would have a future
I live for the moment, even though the moment is terrible and annoying
I'm no hero. I'm no savior. I might be wise when I advise my friends regarding their lives but that's not because I am
It's because I've seen what they've seen in a way or another and I'm talking from personal experience
From personal experience I learned that asking a successful person for advice is a terrible idea, learn from a failure who regrets being so
He'll tell you what not to do. What to do is obvious and we all know it, it's just avoiding the mistakes on the way to success that we need
To learn to prevent ourselves from falling down the trick-stairs and getting stuck there for a moment or two
It's a literal fire through my heart. Oh wait, it's a literal fire through the hollow space that used to be my heart
I had to toss mine away, it became a stone and too heavy to carry around and as such I stopped trying to take
Trying to take care of myself, putting all of my important feelings aside on a corner shelf
I don't remember the last time I held myself accountable for a mistake
I don't remember what was the longest time I used to take before I gave up on a project while I prospected in the gold mines of my mind
Over time it caved in. I apparently got trapped inside and I cannot get any of the genius out. Guess that's what I deserve for ignoring all of the
Red-flags
To be honest, wearing pink glasses made all of'em seem like...well...just flags. Wearing black glasses made them invisible
Putting down the glasses shocked me enough to put the black ones back on
Because...Heh...realistically. That's the only way I can live right
Chorus
It hurts, it's painful. I feel the chills
It aches my existence to the point where every breath kills
I'm numb, I'm dumb, my soul is none-existent and instead it's place is just filled
Outro
Not sure if this would be the last thing I ever wrote. I'm fighting to the best of my abilities. But...well...we'll just have to see how it all ends
Probably in a tragedy, but all one can do is hope, even if one knows that one is lying to oneself...
