[MRS. LOVETT, spoken]
Oh my God!
Oh, what have you done?
What're we gonna do?
[TODD, spoken]
Later, when it's dark, we'll take him out and bury him
[MRS. LOVETT, spoken]
Well, I suppose we could do that
I mean, I don't, I don't suppose no neighbors are gonna come
Poking around looking for him
You know me, ideas they just pop into me head and I was thinking
[MRS. LOVETT]
Seems a downright shame
[TODD, spoken]
Shame?
[MRS. LOVETT]
Seems an awful waste
Such a nice plump frame
Wot's-his-name
Has
Had
Has
Nor it can't be traced
Business needs a lift
Debts to be erased
Think of it as thrift
As a gift
If you get my drift
No?
Seems an awful waste
I mean
With the price of meat what it is
When you get it
If you get it
[TODD, spoken]
Oh!
[MRS. LOVETT]
Good, you got it
Take, for instance
Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop
Business never better, selling only pussycats and toast
Now a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most
And I'm sure it can't compare as far as taste
[TODD, MRS. LOVETT]
Mrs. Lovett
What a charming notion
Eminently practical (Well, it does seem a waste)
And yet appropriate as always
Mrs. Lovett
How I've lived without you all these years
I'll never know (Think about it)
How delectable (Lots of other gentlemen'll soon be coming for a shave)
Also undetectable (Won't they?)
How choice (Think of all them)
How rare (Pies)
[TODD]
For what's the sound of the world out there?
[MRS. LOVETT]
What, Mr. Todd, what, Mr. Todd
What is that sound?
[TODD]
Those crunching noises pervading the air?
[MRS. LOVETT]
Yes, Mr. Todd, yes, Mr. Todd
Yes, all around
[TODD]
It's man devouring man, my dear
[TODD & MRS. LOVETT]
And who are we to deny it in here?
[TODD, spoken]
Toby?
[MRS. LOVETT, spoken]
Toby?
[TODD, spoken]
These are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett
Desperate measures are called for
[MRS. LOVETT, spoken]
Here we are, hot from the oven
[TODD, spoken]
What is that?
[MRS. LOVETT]
It's priest
Have a little priest
[TODD]
Is it any good?
[MRS. LOVETT]
Sir, it's too good, at least
Then again, it don't commit sins of the flesh
So it's pretty fresh
[TODD]
Awful lot of fat
[MRS. LOVETT]
Only where it sat
[TODD]
Haven't you got poet
Or something like that?
[MRS. LOVETT]
No, you see the trouble with poet
Is how do you know it's
Deceased?
Try the priest
[TODD, spoken]
Oh, it's heavenly!
It's not as hearty as bishop, perhaps
But it's not as bland as curate, either
[MRS. LOVETT, spoken]
And good for business, too, always leaves you wanting more
Trouble is, we only get it Sundays
[MRS. LOVETT]
Lawyer's rather nice
[TODD]
If it's for a price
[MRS. LOVETT]
Order something else, though, to follow
Since no one should swallow
It twice
[TODD]
Anything that's lean?
[MRS. LOVETT]
Well then, if you're British and loyal
You might enjoy Royal
Marine
Anyway, it's clean
Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been
[TODD]
Is that squire
On the fire?
[MRS. LOVETT]
Mercy no, sir
Look closer
You'll notice it's grocer
[TODD]
Looks thicker
More like vicar
[MRS. LOVETT]
No, it has to be grocer—it's green
[TODD]
The history of the world, my love
[MRS. LOVETT]
Save a lot of graves
Do a lot of relatives favors
[TODD]
Is those below serving those up above
[MRS. LOVETT]
Everybody shaves
So there should be plenty of flavors
[TODD]
How gratifying for once to know
[TODD & MRS. LOVETT]
That those above will serve those down below
[MRS. LOVETT, spoken]
Now then
Let's see, what we got here?
Um, tinker
[TODD, spoken]
Something pinker
[MRS. LOVETT, spoken]
Tailor?
[TODD, spoken]
Something paler
[MRS. LOVETT, spoken]
Potter?
[TODD, spoken]
Something hotter
[MRS. LOVETT, spoken]
Butler?
[TODD, spoken]
Something subtler
[MRS. LOVETT, spoken]
Locksmith?
[TODD, spoken]
What's that?
[MRS. LOVETT]
It's fop
Finest in the shop
And I've got some shepherd's pie peppered
With actual shepherd
On top
And I've just begun
Try the politician; so oily
Served with a doily—
Have one?
[TODD]
Put it on a bun
Well, you never know if it's going to run
[MRS. LOVETT]
Try the friar
Fried, it's drier
[TODD]
No, the clergy is really
Too coarse and too mealy
[MRS. LOVETT]
Then actor—
It's compacter
[TODD]
Eh, always arrives overdone
I'll come again when you have judge on the menu
[MRS. LOVETT, spoken]
Oh, all right!
It's true, I don't have judge yet
But, but, but
I think I've got something you might fancy even better
[TODD, spoken]
And what's that?
[MRS. LOVETT, spoken]
Executioner
[TODD]
Have charity towards the world, my pet
[MRS. LOVETT]
Yes, yes, I know, my love
[TODD]
We'll get the customers that we can get
[MRS. LOVETT]
High-born and low, my love
[TODD]
We won't discriminate great from small
No, we'll serve anyone—
[TODD & MRS. LOVETT]
Meaning anyone—
And to anyone
At all
