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Dial-a-Curse Lyrics by National Lampoon

Buy This Box or We’ll Shoot This Dog

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You have reached dial a curse, please stand by all our lines are busy, as soon as one of our lines is free, you will be connected to today's curse
[Surf hold music]
Thank you for waiting
He or she is a slimey sided frog mouth still eating slog with the brains of a turtle
He or she has a voice that could peel paint and his or her looks present a constant threat to the continuing functioning of cameras and clocks
In his or her lineage, females of the canine species predominate
He or she smells like a bus
If his or her physiognomy, it’s a [?] to say that since it occupies a position on the front of his or her head, it must be a face
If fashion law is ever enforced he or she faces a life sentence without hope of parole
He or she possesses the intellectual agility of a small soap dish
To sum up, he or she is a bored selfish stupid ugly dote
He or she is repulsive, revolting, repugnant, vile, bass, crass, foul, oafish, and crude
This has been today's curse, presented as a public service by the night council cursers thank you for calling you pathetic cringing little milk sog
Credits
National Lampoon

National Lampoon

About “Dial-a-Curse” by National Lampoon

Read the complete lyrics to "Dial-a-Curse" by National Lampoon from the album "Buy This Box or We’ll Shoot This Dog". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Comedy, Pop.

"Dial-a-Curse" is performed by National Lampoon. from the album "Buy This Box or We’ll Shoot This Dog" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Dial-a-Curse", explore more songs by National Lampoon using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"Dial-a-Curse" is credited to National Lampoon. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Dial-a-Curse" appears on "Buy This Box or We’ll Shoot This Dog".

Visit the National Lampoon artist page at /artist/national-lampoon for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.