Nine Ra – Thoughtcrime
Near the shitty heaters that they had through the halls / hearing my mom screaming at my dad through the walls. / Sister starts crying, then they got violent, / and I ain’t know what to tell her so I just kept silent. / Just waiting for the moment when he’d cease the fit / but then he came yelling calling me a piece of shit. / Except all he every really bought is water and beers, / it didn’t even faze him seeing his daughter in tears. / He was too mad to care, telling her “Shut the fuck up / you nothing but a bitch like your mom and you stuck up!” / Too scared to talk, never spoke what I felt. / He turned my face purple getting choked with his belt. / Mom stepped in so that I wouldn’t stop breathing, / but she was too much of a weak pussy to leave him / so we stayed poor like we’re running in lace. / Wouldn’t even leave him when he shoved a gun in her face…
Father beat me, even made me black and blue once. / Memories stuck, I told myself I’d make new ones. / I do it for my self, I do it in the pain’s hard. / Do it under the bridge or do it in the train yard. / Father beat me, even made me black and blue once. / Memories stuck, I told myself I’d make new ones. / I do it for my self, I do it in the pain’s hard. / Do it under the bridge or do it in the train yard
Teacher want to kick me out of the class. / Did it myself, skipped to get me out of the past. / Feeling dead as my surroundings under the October elm. / Never remain sober when I’m feeling overwhelmed. / That ain’t my concern now, or the reason I burn now. / Not what I could have but what I once had and yearn now. / We were different from everyone in the area, right? / And maybe the world 'til we became a stereotype. / False hopes, she brought me in close, I chose to love her. / Embracing the depression, and yes I chose to suffer. / The good memories mixed in is what had doomed me / cuz I encouraged the pain and let it consume me. / They tell me not to quit, keep hope, but in fact / niggas don’t even hit me up to be an opening act. / And I know being stuck inside this place is eventual / when my existence becomes a wasted potential
Father beat me, even made me black and blue once. / Memories stuck, I told myself I’d make new ones. / I do it for my self, I do it in the pain’s hard. / Do it under the bridge or do it in the train yard. / Father beat me, even made me black and blue once. / Memories stuck, I told myself I’d make new ones. / I do it for my self, I do it in the pain’s hard. / Do it under the bridge or do it in the train yard
Never blame other people for decisions I made / but I get stressed wishing that the visions would fade / and finally give me a sort of peace of mind. / My friends tell me that it will decrease with time, / but I doubt it. Impossible to dead the strife. / Feelings don’t fade they’re stuck in my head for life. / And I’m negative as hell plus poor and ashamed / if it doesn’t get worse then it’s more of the same. / So I walk around depressed, something past defeat. / Wore sweaters in the house, went to class for heat. / And I’m fast asleep inside class, can’t stand this. / Need to escape, take visit to my blank canvas / so I can temporarily distract myself. / Black hoodied up with the fat caps I’m stealth. / Go to the spot and notice the lock is loose. / Still hop a fence like I’m Tupac in juice. / Got the knapsack, hit the streets, take to it. / The shoe polish bottle that’s full of the brake fluid. / The stained hands digging in my crotch for tops, / take a quick break while I’m trying to watch for cops. / And I risked it, tired of daydreaming, I’m sick. / Put my soul in the Krylon and scream at the brick. / See I get a slight smile in my head when I quote it. / But nothing can match the feeling that I had when I wrote it
Father beat me, even made me black and blue once. / Memories stuck, I told myself I’d make new ones. / I do it for my self, I do it in the pain’s hard. / Do it under the bridge or do it in the train yard. / Father beat me, even made me black and blue once. / Memories stuck, I told myself I’d make new ones. / I do it for my self, I do it in the pain’s hard. / Do it under the bridge or do it in the train yard
