[Narrator:]
For his 59th birthday singer Keith Morris had one wish:
To go skydiving with his band Off!
This is that story
Airplane humming
[Dmitri:]
I think I can understand Mario being on tour with Earthless, or pfft Hotsnakes Or Rocket From The Crypt, but playing another birthday party instead of coming to Keith's? Come on!
Keith, you nervous?
[Jack Black:]
You better be fucking nervous! Were about to be 45,000 feet above the rock solid fucking earth with nothing to protect you except the soft supple silk you'd better hope I didn't pack
Cause I'm not good at that part of skydiving
There is 3-5 rules that I've adhered to that have secured my place as Temecula's most recognizable instructor in the deathly pursuit of skydiving. Who wants to hear them?
[Keith:]
I do
[Jack Black:]
Correct answer my friend. I saw something in you when I first met you. Unlike these pussies, you are ready, you are trained, you are strong
[Dmitri:]
This guy's intense. Are you scared dude? You dropped acid? Are you fucking serious?
[Steven:]
Yeah man, I'm gonna be peaking right when we jump hahaha
[Jack Black:]
Pay attention to these strap tightening techniques unless you want to be flattened. Sir! These stretches can save your life. You can take a page from Keith's book and pay fucking attention!
Drug trip kicks in
Hey are you listening to me? Steven, I am God and you are awesome
[Steven:]
Thanks God
[Jack Black:]
I studied in the auto-track lane for 14 years -- Do you want to know your destiny?
[Steven:]
Yes, what is it?
[Jack Black:]
Jump
[Steven:]
What?
[Jack Black:]
Go, fuck these guys, jump
[Steven:] You're God... I'm in
[Jack Black:]
Jump my child. Jump!
Steven jumps, pulls his cord, and gets sucked into the propeller causing the entire plane to fail and eventually explode. Jack Black evacuates the plane
Jump, go, get the fuck out of here! You tuck and roll. Fucking nailed the landing bro
Everyone lands safely, except Dmitri who breaks his leg badly
C'mon you fuckin' baby. Ram it in there!
Keith begins to set a makeshift splint and push the bone back into his leg
We've gotta move, we've gotta fucking move. I know boohoo, you'll be ok
Dmitri is unable to keep up with Keith and Jack who treat him poorly, even forcing him to drink his own urine
[Dmitri:]
Guys. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "Dmitri's slowing us down". He's dead weight. Look fellas
It's not that bad. [Screams] Ok, it's not that great either, but the point is this: Keith!
You need me, I'm not just some dick in a Circle Jerks cover band. We're doing meaningful stuff here, Keith look at me
I'm your friend. You can't leave me out here, just like I didn't leave you when you needed me to make rock fucking history
[Jack Black:]
So what are you trying to say Dmitri?
[Dmitri:]
Goddamn Gary join our fucking band, whatever it takes, you can play the goddamn bass. Keith! Keith!!
Bear appears out of nowhere and swipes Dmitri's head clean off his shoulders, it begins chasing Keith and Jack Black
Song:
This is mental and you're all cocky
You need a bomb and we need cash
There's no free lunch, for a jackass
We'll be killed but that's okay
We're miles away
We're comfortable
Put on your happy face
We're in over our heads
We're in over our heads
They have to cover up the tragedy
And tell your asses you're free
Planting the seeds of a sad democracy
We're in over our heads
We're in over our heads
I spot the the size of our nation
Are you here or a vacation?
