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Ruffhousin’ Mit Shuffhausen Lyrics by Original Broadway Cast of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels: Original Broadway Cast Recording

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[LAWRENCE, spoken]
I understand you are completely numb from the waist down, is that correct?
[FREDDY, spoken]
Yes, sir
[LAWRENCE, spoken]
No feeling whatsoever?
[FREDDY, spoken]
Mmhmm. That's right
[LAWRENCE, spoken]
I see. So...
This little piggy says-
[FREDDY, spoken]
Nothing
[LAWRENCE, spoken]
And this little piggy, the same?
[FREDDY, spoken]
Uh-huh
[LAWRENCE, spoken]
I suppose that it’s futile
To wiggle or doodle
Or jiggle this piggle?
Well, ain't that a shame
And this one?
[FREDDY, spoken]
Like wood
[LAWRENCE, spoken]
And this one?
(Freddy shakes his head.)
Zer gut
So, that's the entire contingent
We’ll have to try something a little more... stringent
(He pulls a pussy willow branch from a vase and whips it through
The air)
[CHRISTINE, spoken]
Stringent?
[LAWRENCE, spoken]
Trust me, Fraulein, I am a doctor
(sung)
When I was young and I was cute
And I was in the Institute
They banged it in us like a drum
The Corpus Hippocraticum
So just before you graduate
You raise your hand
And stand up straight
And everybody has to quoth
That zippy Hippy-cratic Oath
You swear to God to heal the sick
But do no damage - that's the trick
Even if you have to lop a leg
Or God forbid, an arm
If it's for the best, go crack a chest
Or slice 'em open like a wurst
But first:
Do no harm
(He wacks Freddy on the legs with the pussy willow)
Yodelayeeoo!
(spoken)
Nothing?
[FREDDY, spoken]
Nope
[LAWRENCE, spoken]
Hm
(sung)
A medical professional
Before he starts a session'll
Be sure to pause and clear his head
And think on what Old Hippo said-
A real mensch with lots of heart
Bestowed on us this noble art
And let me tell you that ain't easy
In three-hundred and eighty B.C
Defend the weak and mend the ill
Prescribe a pill then send a bill
For many years the system has
Been working like a charm
But you must recollect
With great respect
Hippocrates and what he versed:
First
Do no-
(WHACK!)
[FREDDY]
YOWWW-DELAYEEOO
[LAWRENCE, spoken]
That's lovely my boy
[CHRISTINE, spoken]
But Doctor, this seems so cruel
[LAWRENCE, spoken]
On the contrary, Fraulein, Sergeant Benson would be the happiest man on earth if he could feel any pain. Ja?
[FREDDY, spoken]
You bet!
[LAWRENCE]
Let's all yodel!
(They do.)
I said yodel!
(WHACK!)
The Corpus Hippocraticum
Like bats out of the attic come
Like popes out of the Vati-come
[CHRISTINE]
Like nylon sheets with static come
[LAWRENCE]
Like donkeys from the paddock come
[CHRISTINE]
Or fish sticks from the haddock come
[LAWRENCE]
Or you psychosomatic come to me
(He suddenly turns and exits. Freddy breathes a sigh of relief.)
[FREDDY, spoken]
Well, I guess that’s that
(Lawrence runs back in brandishing the pussy willow and gives him the biggest WHACK yet. Freddy whimpers.)
[LAWRENCE]
I look at him, the sorry face
I know I have to take this case
It’s who I am, it's what I do
If you were me, you’d have to too
If I were him or I were you
I'd look at me and like the view
For here I am and here we go
Hippocrates would wish it so
(spoken)
This man intrigues me, I will take Sergeant Benson on as my patient
[CHRISTINE, spoken]
Doctor, look! He's so happy he's crying! Do you really think you can have him walking again?
[LAWRENCE, spoken]
Walking?
I’ll have him running!
Jumping!
Shouting!
Shrieking!
Or my name isn't...
(Punctuating each word with a whack on Freddy's legs)
Dr!
Emil!
Shuffhausen!
The third!
Credits
Original Broadway Cast of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Original Broadway Cast of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

About “Ruffhousin’ Mit Shuffhausen” by Original Broadway Cast of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Read the complete lyrics to "Ruffhousin’ Mit Shuffhausen" by Original Broadway Cast of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels from the album "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels: Original Broadway Cast Recording". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Broadway, Musicals, Pop.

"Ruffhousin’ Mit Shuffhausen" is performed by Original Broadway Cast of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. from the album "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels: Original Broadway Cast Recording" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Ruffhousin’ Mit Shuffhausen", explore more songs by Original Broadway Cast of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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"Ruffhousin’ Mit Shuffhausen" is credited to Original Broadway Cast of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Ruffhousin’ Mit Shuffhausen" appears on "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels: Original Broadway Cast Recording".

Visit the Original Broadway Cast of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels artist page at /artist/original-broadway-cast-of-dirty-rotten-scoundrels for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.