[JOE]
Listen to that!
Will you listen to that!
[FRANK]
Do you know what that means?
Let me tell you what that means—
Wait, no—
Anyone who even thinks it
Don't say it
You'll jinx it...
[CHARLEY]
Listen to that!
[JOE]
Did you listen to that?
[FRANK]
Does that make you feel proud?
Well, feel more than just proud—
Okay, wait
I'll tempt fate
And I'll state it out loud
That's the sound of a —
Hit!
It’s a hit!
Gang, I think this is it!
No more writing clever little shows
For those basement saloons
No more proclamations from the pros
That you "can't hum the tunes"—
[CHARLEY]
No more sneaking in at intermission
To the plays you wish you could afford—
[MARY]
Or producers having you audition
Whenever they’re bored—
[CHARLEY]
And who’ll say right away
As you play the first chord:
(spoken)
"Boys, boys, that is very, very, uh, what's the word? Interesting. And if I thought an audience would come to see it I would produce it in a minute. Next!"
[FRANK, CHARLEY, MARY, BETH & JOE]
We’re a hit!
We’re a hit!
[JOE]
Standing up—
The whole bit!
[FRANK]
No more coaching those sopranos
With voices like bees—
[CHARLEY]
No more secondhand pianos
With six broken keys—
[MARY]
No more agents giving you opinions
As they turn you over to their minions—
[FRANK, CHARLEY, MARY, BETH & JOE]
Just for these
Guarantees
We should please
Thank the Lord!
It’s a hit!
It’s a hit!
[BETH]
Will my folks have a fit!
After all of that baloney
They made me go through
All that "Honey, not that he’s a phony
But what does he do?"
Will their faces be stony
When they see on their Sony
Someone handing the phony
The Tony Award!
[FRANK, spoken]
'I would like to begin by thanking all of the hundreds of people who have turned down every show I have ever written so that I could win tonight for this one. Thank you!
(sung)
Listen to that!
Will you listen to that?
Tell me
Is that a noise
Or is that a noise?
That is a noise
We’ve been waiting
The whole of our lives to hear!
[BETH]
Listen to that!
Did you listen to that?
Honey, is that a noise
Or is that a noise?
That is the loveliest noise
For a bread-winning wife to hear!
[FRANK]
Listen to that!
Will you listen to that!
I can’t stand it!
[MARY]
Listen to that!
That’s obscene!
[JOE]
That is a noise
That is really a—
Listen to that!
Will you listen to that?
Golly, I can’t—listen to that!
Will you listen to that?
[CHARLEY]
Listen to that!
Fellas, that is a noise
That is really a noise!
I can’t stand it!
Will you listen to that!
Will you listen to that!
[BETH]
Listen to that!
Did you listen to that?
I can’t stand it!
Did you listen to that!
Listen to that!
Will you listen to that!
[FRANK]
Listen to that!
That is the noise I’ve been waiting
My life to hear!
Listen to that!
Will you listen to that!
Will you listen to that!
[FRANK, CHARLEY, MARY, BETH & JOE]
That’s the sound of an audience
Losing its mind!
It’s the Pope on his balcony
Blessing mankind!
[JOE]
Folks, it’s Funny Girl, Fiddler
And Dolly combined!
[FRANK, CHARLEY, MARY, BETH & JOE]
It’s a hit!
It’s a hit!
It’s a palpable hit!
[FRANK & CHARLEY]
If it only even runs a minute
At least it's a wedge
It's the theater and we're really in it
Not just on the edge!
[JOE]
If your spirits ever need improving
You can drop in any night for free!
[FRANK]
But the thing that’s positively moving—
[CHARLEY]
You could have fooled me—
[FRANK & CHARLEY]
—Is we’re still old friends!
Nothing can kill old friends!
[FRANK, CHARLEY & MARY]
Where there's a will, old friends
Don’t need success to survive!
[FRANK, CHARLEY, MARY & BETH]
And us, old friends
What’s to discuss, old friends?
[FRANK, CHARLEY, MARY, BETH & JOE]
We've got a surefire genuine
Walk-away blockbuster
Lines down to Broadway
Boffola sensational
Box office lalapalooza gargantuan—
Hit!
It’s a hit!
It’s a hit!
It’s a hit!
It’s a hit!
It’s a hit!
