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Classical Kwickie-Kwiz Lyrics by Peter Schickele

P.D.Q. Bach: WTWP Classical Talkity-Talk Radio

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[Jocko]
And I think the time has come to try and give away some money here!
[Blondie]
That's right, Jocko! Now, folks, if you were listening to the Ethel, Bert & Evan show this morning, you know what today's Classical Kwickie-Kwiz Question is!
[Jocko]
And if you weren't listening, well, maybe you'll get lucky
[Professor Schickele]
(on telephone)
I've got someone on the line now, and, um... uh, ma'am, if you could just turn your radio down?
Yeah, but... no, no, the thing is that when your radio is tuned to the station you're talking to on the phone, you get feed- it's not? Well, could you turn it down anyway?
(pause)
(to the others)
She's going over to turn it down
[Jocko]
What, does she live in the Taj Mahal?
[Professor Schickele]
Now, wait a minute, wait a minute... here she comes...
(to the caller)
Okay! What's your name? Yeah, Brenda what? Brenda Tharlson - and where do you live, Brenda? Inkster, one of my favorite towns!
Okay, Brenda Tharlson from Inkster, North Dakota! Here is today's Classical Kwickie-Kwiz Question: How much would Domenico Scarlatti have weighed on Jupiter? That's right: How much would the eighteenth-century composer Domenico Scarlatti have weighed on the planet Jupiter? That's okay, take your time
(pause)
[Jocko]
Blondie, your toenails need cutting
[Blondie]
Eh...
[Professor Schickele]
Okay, Brenda, you got it?
No, I'm sorry, that is not the correct answer. No, no, that's how much Alessandro Scarlatti would have weighed on Jupiter: we're talking about the younger one, Domenico. Too bad, Brenda, but don't worry, all is not lost: just for talking to us this evening, you are going to receive, absolutely free, a pair of WTWP: Wall-to-Wall Pachelbel Classical coasters. Now, these little beauts are suitable for use with glasses containing hot or cold beverages - and they're just our little way of saying thanks! Thanks, Brenda Tharlson, for talking to-
(pause)
What did you say?
(pause)
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, listen to who's calling who a loser!
(pause)
I do, too! Shinola is a shoe polish!!
Yeah, well, same to you, you old bag!!
(slams phone)
Boy...
[Jocko]
Hell hath no fury
[Blondie]
Oh, don't worry about it, Prof. What say we get back to some music?
[Professor Schickele]
Good idea, Blondie. And I've got a very interesting little tidbit to throw in, here: the original first movement of P.D.Q. Bach's choral cantata, "Knock Knock". Apparently P.D.Q. changed his mind later and wrote another first movement, which is the one I used, of course, when I recorded the entire work a while back there - but just for the historical heck of it, here's the original!
[Jocko]
Droppin' straight down on you!
[Blondie]
From WTWP!
Credits
Peter Schickele

Peter Schickele

About “Classical Kwickie-Kwiz” by Peter Schickele

Read the complete lyrics to "Classical Kwickie-Kwiz" by Peter Schickele from the album "P.D.Q. Bach: WTWP Classical Talkity-Talk Radio". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Pop.

"Classical Kwickie-Kwiz" is performed by Peter Schickele. from the album "P.D.Q. Bach: WTWP Classical Talkity-Talk Radio" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Classical Kwickie-Kwiz", explore more songs by Peter Schickele using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"Classical Kwickie-Kwiz" is credited to Peter Schickele. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Classical Kwickie-Kwiz" appears on "P.D.Q. Bach: WTWP Classical Talkity-Talk Radio".

Visit the Peter Schickele artist page at /artist/peter-schickele for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.