[Part 1: John F. Kennedy vs Julius Caesar]
[Intro]
Intense Rap Battles of Craziness!
John F. Kennedy!
Vs
Julius Caesar!
Begin!
[Verse 1: Julius Caesar]
Veni, vidi, vici, and I'll do the same right to your ass
It's impossible to back down against me since the die's been cast
GAIUS JULIUS CAESAR That's my name bitch, don't forget it!
Orating better than CICERO in this battle of wits!
You'll be invaded like GAUL! EASILY. Bunch of sissies
What can I do for your country? I'll DESTROY IT, lil' missy
The people think you're a great president, but I gotta chuckle
Even wimpy little Britain gave up more of a struggle
[Verse 2: John F. Kennedy]
I look at you and see nothing but a freak with leaves on his head
Try mеssing with a president, no doubt you'll end up dеad
I'm serving up deep dish disses like your pizza pizza
You're a little squirt & ya know I'm gonna beatchya, beatchya!
I'm the winner of this battle, so build me a triumphal arch
My raps are stabbing you like Brutus on the Ides of March!
I'll beat ya into caesar salad while your people starve away
Try to acknowledge this American rap, and screw off to Pompey
[Verse 3: Julius Caesar]
That verse was a bigger failure than a certain Bay of Pigs!
You've been finished since the opening! Broken like a twig!
You're in a crisis with missiles of the VERBAL FUCKING KIND
Oh, your brain was blown off so I'll give YOU a piece of my mind!
I've got a motherfucking CALENDAR named after me!
What about you... an airport? LAME SHIT KENNEDY
You lost the space race, dick face, you'll be gone without a trace
As I chase this defaced batshit case into disgrace
[Verse 4: John F. Kennedy]
You have upset me Julius, I want to rid of you like Crassus
I have the power to take whole armies and drop them on their asses
So that’s President Kennedy to you, ya foreign bastard
In this rap competition, I spit raps way faster
Justa chillin’ in the white house, while you in the desert grillin’
Rippin’ raps’ and shittin’ raps, crushin’ you like you’re a villain
I didn’t know we were racing here, so slow down you pirate bitch
Why don’t you actually fight, stop sucking Sulla’s dick!
[Interlude: Announcer, Brutus & lee harvey oswald]
“The president has been assassinated, I repeat, the president has been assassinated”
*Et tu, Brutus?*
Hey you, start a new battle
Yeah, get on that
What? Again? Oh, ok
[Part 2: Brutus vs Lee Harvey Oswald]
[Intro]
Intense Rap Battles of Craziness!!
Brutus!
Vs
Lee Harvey Oswald!!
Begin!!
[Verse 1: Brutus]
You’re almost a copy of me, your style’s very dry
Pack your bags you bastard, and say your final goodbyes
So weak that you even had to use a gun?
See now that’s not exciting, not very fun
You Pussy. Obviously I’m the best assassin
Since I have all this time you’re the one I’ll be trashin’
You got killed after you blew off Kennedy’s head
So come a bit closer to me, and again you’ll be dead
[Verse 2: lee harvey oswald]
I'm the undertaker, it'd be best to prepare the plots
I'll take you out like Kennedy. IN JUST THREE SHOTS
You crazy-ass Roman, bow down an you’ll see
I made millions shiver with my acts, Call me Lee
There’s not a chance you’ll survive this, I can see simply
You may have come before me, but you wish you were me
I’m powerful, took out a man with full power
You and the rest of the stinky Romans could all use a shower
[Verse 3: Abraham Lincoln]
It's the beard hat and legs here to finish off some idiots
Killing is just as bad as slavery, don't you get it?
I'll proclaim my victory as the greatest to ever unfold
The 16th lord of the land is known throughout the world!
Went from the prarie to the white house to become the greatest
I'll assassinate assassins, I'm the bravest!
Not even Vampires or Zombies could handle ole honest Abe
So let be the one to introduce you to your graves!
[Verse 4: John Wilkes Booth]
My old pal Abe, would you like a seat or a booth
You were no American hero to me, ain't that the truth
You were surely honest, how’d that bullet feel, tell me?
The only vampires you could take on are from the Twilight movies
I was a stage actor who never got the credit he deserved
I've got a front row balcony seat for you reserved
I'm a straight shooting mothefucker when it comes to guns & rhymes!
So sit back and enjoy as I play with your mind
[Outro]
WHO won?
WHO’S next?
You decide!
Intense! Aww, look at all this blood I gotta clean up, fuck! Rap Battles of Craziness!
