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The Philosophical Zombie Slayer Lyrics by Rock, Paper, Cynic

Borken Telephone

2016

[Chorus: Peter Chiykowski]
He wields chainsaws of reasoning
And battle axioms to spare
But he'll blow your mind with Wittgenstein
The Philosophical Zombie-Slayer
[Post-Chorus: Peter Chiykowski & David Lex]
Brains brains brains
Brains brains brains
He's got 'em
[Verse 1: Peter Chiykowski]
He's read Camus and Sun Tzu too
He's ready to Thoreau down
Like a zombie-bustin' Saint Augustine
One way train of thought to murder town
He's got this shit John Locke-down
Got that David Hume-an touch
Oh, he'll commit you to the flames
Just when the situation's clutch
His enemies, both dead and not
In unlife left to linger
But he'll collapse all their uncertainties
Like a cleric of Schrödinger
They call him René Descar-nage
And now you'll finally know why
When it's finito, he screams "Cogito
Ergo sum-one's gonna die!"
[Chorus: Peter Chiykowski]
He wields chainsaws of reasoning
Battle axioms to spare
He'll blow your mind with Wittgenstein
The Philosophical Zombie-Slayer
[Post-Chorus: David Lex]
Brains brains brains
Brains brains brains
[Verse 2: Peter Chiykowski]
He's Aristotle at full throttle
Contemplating the invisible
He fights undead mobs with Thomas Hobbes
Not afraid to get metaphysical
He hits the road with Simone de Beauvoir
A fair share of Jean-Jacques
So if you think he don't know le philosophe
You can suck on his Balzac
Your argument is moldable
Like Plato in his hands
So you're barking up the wrong sophis-tree
If you're challenging this man
You can tell him that he Kant
But it's imperative, he'll claim
Oh, Confucius say, "You die today!"
Said says, "Actually, that's a shallow characterization of Eastern philosophy characterized by centuries of misunderstanding by the West"
[Chorus: Peter Chiykowski]
He'll blow your mind with Wittgenstein
The Philosophical Zombie-Slayer
[Post-Chorus: David Lex]
Brains brains brains
Brains brains brains
[Verse 3: Peter Chiykowski]
No one wants to go outside
When the whole world's trying to eat ya
But hunt 'em with epistemology
You'll think it's pretty Nietzsche
So make your Marx and do your part
The next time the dead are at your door
Just whip it out like a philosopher
Put Descartes before the hordes
[Chorus: Peter Chiykowski]
Oh, he wields chainsaws of reasoning
And battle axioms to spare
Well, he'll blow your mind with Wittgenstein
The Philosophical Zombie-Slayer
[Post-Chorus: David Lex]
Brains
Brains
Credits
Rock, Paper, Cynic

Rock, Paper, Cynic

About “The Philosophical Zombie Slayer” by Rock, Paper, Cynic

Read the complete lyrics to "The Philosophical Zombie Slayer" by Rock, Paper, Cynic from the album "Borken Telephone" in 2016. On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Rock, Nerdcore.

"The Philosophical Zombie Slayer" is performed by Rock, Paper, Cynic. from the album "Borken Telephone" in 2016 This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "The Philosophical Zombie Slayer", explore more songs by Rock, Paper, Cynic using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"The Philosophical Zombie Slayer" is credited to Rock, Paper, Cynic. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"The Philosophical Zombie Slayer" appears on "Borken Telephone" in 2016.

Visit the Rock, Paper, Cynic artist page at /artist/rock-paper-cynic for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.