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Bring Me My Bride Lyrics by Ron Holgate, Zero Mostel

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (Original Broadway Cast)

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[MILES, spoken]
Stand aside, everyone! I take large steps
[SOLDIERS]
One, two! One, two!
[MILES]
We not only fought, but we won, too!
[SOLDIERS]
One, two! One, two!
Left, right! Left, right!
[MILES]
There's none of the enemy left, right?
[SOLDIERS]
Right! Left...right...right? Left?
[MILES]
Halt!
[PSEUDOLUS, spoken]
Hail, Miles Gloriosus. Welcome to Rome. Your bride awaits you
[MILES, spoken]
My bride...
(sung)
My bride!
My bride!
I've come to claim my bride
Come tenderly to crush her against my side
Let haste be made!
I cannot be delayed:
There are lands to conquer, cities to loot and peoples to degrade
[SOLDIERS]
Look at those arms!
Look at that chest!
Look at them!
[MILES]
Not to mention the rest
Even I am impressed!
My bride!
My bride!
Come, bring to me my bride
My lust for her no longer can be denied
Convey the news!
I have no time to lose:
There are towns to plunder, temples to burn and women to abuse
[SOLDIERS]
Look at that foot!
Look at that heel!
Mark the magnificent muscles of steel!
[MILES]
I am my ideal!
I, Miles Gloriosus
I, slaughterer of thousands
I, oppressor of the meek
Subduer of the weak
Degrader of the Greek
Destroyer of the Turk
Must hurry back to work
[MILES:]
I, Miles Gloriosus,
[ROMANS]
He, Miles Gloriosus,
[SOLDIERS]
A man among men!
[MILES:]
I, paragon of virtue,
[ROMANS]
He, paragon of virtue,
[SOLDIERS]
With sword and with pen!
[MILES]
I, in war the most admired
In wit the most inspired
In love the most desired
In dress the best displayed--
I am a parade!
[SOLDIERS]
Look at those eyes, cunning and keen
Look at the size of those thighs, like a mighty machine!
[PSEUDOLUS]
Those are the mightiest thighs that I ever have theen!
I mean...
[MILES]
My bride!
My bride!
Inform my lucky bride:
The fabled arms of Miles are open wide
Make haste!
Make haste!
I have no time to waste:
There are shrines I should be sacking
Ribs I should be cracking
Eyes to gouge and booty to divide
Bring me my bride!
[COMPANY]
Bring him his bride!
Bring him his bride!
Credits
Ron Holgate

Ron Holgate

Zero Mostel

Zero Mostel

About “Bring Me My Bride” by Ron Holgate

Read the complete lyrics to "Bring Me My Bride" by Ron Holgate, Zero Mostel from the album "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (Original Broadway Cast)". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Broadway, Theatre, Musicals.

"Bring Me My Bride" is performed by Ron Holgate, Zero Mostel. from the album "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (Original Broadway Cast)" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Bring Me My Bride", explore more songs by Ron Holgate, Zero Mostel using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"Bring Me My Bride" is credited to Ron Holgate, Zero Mostel. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Bring Me My Bride" appears on "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (Original Broadway Cast)".

Visit the Ron Holgate, Zero Mostel artist page at /artist/ron-holgate for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.