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Pedicure Lyrics by Ron White

Behavioral Problems

0

Folks, I believe in my heart that the Department of Homeland Security's color-coated heightened-state-of-awareness system might be the most useless thing ever shoved down
The the throats of the American people. In all my travels I've yet to meet one person who knows what to do
Different if the heightened-state-of-awareness is yellow or orange or orange or yellow. Nothin' ever happens
Anyway. I haven't met person that knows that there are five. heightened-states-of-awareness in this country. Did
You know that sir? Fuck no you didn't. *chuckles* I don't know. Blue, green, yellow, orange and red. Apparently
When the heightened-state-of-awareness is blue, you don't even need sunscreen. You can just walk outside naked
*in Scotsman's voice" You can't even burn my cock! I'm not sure why the Scottish guy said that haha. *in
Scotsman's voice" You can't even burn my cock. The biggest problem I have with the
Heightened-state-of-awareness system in this country is that it makes no sense, the second biggest problem I
Have with it is that it scares my mother...thanks. The last time the heightened-state-of-awareness switched
From yellow to orange my mother called me, and my mother is very...um...rural. As am I. And mother called me
And she goes, "The heightened-state-of-awareness just switched to orange." And I said, "I know mother, I was
Watching television." She goes,"I don't know what to do." I said, "Mother, no one knows what to do, they didn't
Even print a flier with this program. But sense we were attacked on 9/11 we've all been in a
Heightened-states-of-awareness." She goes, "I don't know what that means." I said, "M-m...Well mom, if the
Person infront of you has 7 h's in there name and a basket of fucking cobras...check there shoes for fuses." And
That's not racism, that's profilin'. And ya have to do some profilin, you can't frisk 10 grandmothers just to
Pretend that guy doesn't look susupicious. Bullshit. Go frisk his ass and when he gets all pissed of go 'sorry'. And
If he's still pissed off after that go "Hey you wore the fuckin turbin to the airport buddy." Buy a John Deer cap for
Travel days. Fuck I don't know. Buy a John Deer turbin do they make em? I'm sorry, we're a little edgy. If I were in charge of the Department of Homeland Security we'd have a heightened-states-of-awareness system in this country that's for sure, but we'd have one that made sense and one that the fine citizins of this country understood. And we would have two heightened-states-of-awareness; Go find a helmet. Put on the fucking helmet. That way I know what to say to my mother when she calls "I don't know what to do, it's put on a fucking helmet day!" Put on a fucking helmet. *imitates mother putting on helmet* That strap goes under your chin mother. *imates mom moving like robot* When mother has her helmet on she forgets her neck works. "Just turn your head mom," *imates mom moving like robot* "...you're gettin' it."
Credits
Ron White

Ron White

About “Pedicure” by Ron White

Read the complete lyrics to "Pedicure" by Ron White from the album "Behavioral Problems". On Lyrks you can follow along with the full text, explore the artist's discography, and discover related songs. The track is often categorized under Pop.

"Pedicure" is performed by Ron White. from the album "Behavioral Problems" This page provides the full lyric text for fans who want to sing along, study the songwriting, or compare versions across releases. Lyrks organizes lyrics by artist and song slug so you can bookmark and share a stable URL. Music lyrics help listeners connect with emotion, narrative, and rhythm in a track. Whether you are learning English, researching a favorite chorus, or preparing for karaoke, having accurate line breaks and section labels (verse, chorus, bridge) makes the experience easier. We link to the official artist profile on Lyrks where available, including biography snippets, top songs, and chart placements when we have that data. If you enjoy "Pedicure", explore more songs by Ron White using the links below. Chart and trending pages on Lyrks highlight what listeners are searching for this week. For copyright or correction requests, see our DMCA and contact pages.

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Frequently asked questions

"Pedicure" is credited to Ron White. Songwriting credits may include additional writers listed on the release; check the credits section on this page for linked collaborators.

"Pedicure" appears on "Behavioral Problems".

Visit the Ron White artist page at /artist/ron-white for biography, popular tracks, and links to more lyric pages.

Heightened State Of Awareness
You Can’t Fix Stupid
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